Apparently swim suits and boobs are a big deal to some people.
Yesterday, a twelve-year old student was suspended from school for three days for bringing a Sports Illustrated swim suit edition to school. Justin Heyes, a sixth grader in Ohio, had his SI confiscated by his teacher. As a result, school administrators recommended that Heyes serve a period at an alternative school. Heyes’ three day suspension came after his parents refused the school change.
With this kid’s suspension – and some other government twits investigating the Super-Bowl boob conspiracy – it would now seem America’s verdict is in: conservative wankers can chalk up a ‘two,’ and everyone one else a ‘zero.’
Can you imagine how happy the writers at late night talk shows must be? This stuff is worth at least two weeks worth of jokes. Heck, Conan can tell that “take a cab to Toronto” writer guy to stay here a few days longer – they won’t need him in New York. As for the sensible Americans – believe me there are lots of them, they just don’t get on TV as often as Dubya – they must be wondering how so many people in their country have become conservative, censorship jonesing Tipper Gore wannabes.
Can you imagine what these Ohio guys would be doing if they lived in Toronto? In this neck of the woods, basic cable packages run all sorts of gratuitous booby shots. From the Blue movies on City TV, to the naked S & M on “Kink,” our children need only sneak past the bedtime radar for a peak at nipples and leather.
As a youngster I watched a little late night City TV soft-core. Hell, I even manged to sneaka peak at 7-11’s top shelf-full frontal smut collection. My friends may debate this later, but I think I’m pretty well adjusted-got no weird porn sites in my “favorites,” anyway.
All this poor kid did was bring a sports magazine to school – one that can be found at the bottom of the Beckers rack nonetheless. Can you imagine what people in Europe must be thinking of this? The Brits, often-considered conservative among their Western European peers, have bare boobs on the second page of many daily tabloids, and as far as I know their children are allowed to read newspapers at school. In southern Italy nakedness is pretty much a national hobby. As for the French, well if Americans are telling people to wear clothes, then they’re probably doing the opposite. Harmless stereotyping aside, I’ve met Europeans, and the ones I know seem to have survived the barrage of boobs they witnessed as children and are as normal as humans are expected to be.
Fortunately for Justin Heyes, this ridiculous over-reaction probably won’t cause him much damage. If he gets anything out of this whole deal it will probably be a little sixth-grader street cred. As for the 700-Club loving neo-cons with the too-tight briefs on, grab a sense of humour, lose an election, and leave us all alone.
