This script excerpt was leaked on the internet a few weeks ago. Director Jared Hess is reportedly in talks to direct a sequel to cult classic “Napoleon Dynamite,” but this time the gridiron is going to be the battlefield.

McNabb and Owens talking at the Pro Bowl prior to T.O. joining the Eagles

Donovan McNabb: Do you think people will play for me?

Owens: Heck yes! I’d play for you.

McNabb: Like what are my skills?

Owens: Well, you have a sweet arm. And you’re really good at hooking up with chicks. Plus you’re like the only guy in the league who has a ‘fro.

Terrell Owens on His Contract Negotiations

T.O.: Forty million for five years…that’s like eight million dollars a

year!

Coach Andy Reid and Terrell Owens Before Practice

Reid: What are you going to do today, T.O.?

T.O.: Whatever I feel like I wanna do. Gosh!

Owens and Teammates Arguing Over Food

Teammate: Terrell, give me some of your tots.

Owens: No, go find your own.

Teammate: Come on, give me some of your tots.

Owens: No, I’m freakin’ starving! I didn’t get to eat anything today.

[Teammate kicks the tots]

Owens: Ugh! Gross! Freakin’ idiot!

Coach Reid Discussing Life Without T.O.

Reid: Don’t tell T.O. about our new plans.

Westbrook: Yeah. He’ll probably just wreck things…

Reid: We need something to look more official?!?

Westbrook: How about some gold teeth?

Terrell Owens Fights with Former Teammate Hugh Douglas

Owens: Stay home and eat all the freakin’ chips, Hugh.

Douglas: Terrell-Don’t be jealous cuz I’ve been chatting online with Drew Rosenhaus all day. Besides, we both know that I’m training to be a cage fighter.

Owens: Since when, Hugh? You have the worst reflexes of all time.

Douglas: Try and hit me, Terrell

Owens: What?

Douglas: I said come down here and see what happens if you try and hit me.

Terrell Owens, Andy Reid, and Donovan McNabb Get Together to Discuss a Play

Reid: So what do you think of that play?

McNabb: It’s pretty cool, I guess.

Reid: Oh man, I wish I could go back in time. I’d take state.

Owens: This is pretty much the worst play ever made.

McNabb: Terrell, like anyone can even know that.

Reid: You know what, Terrell? You can leave.

Owens: You guys are retarded!

Terrell Owens and Donovan McNabb Discussing T.O.’s Suspension

McNabb: Coach just called and said you’re supposed to go home.

Owens: He didn’t tell me anything.

McNabb: Too bad; he said he doesn’t want you here when he gets back because you’ve been ruining everybody’s lives and eating all our steak.

Owens: I’m not goin’ anywhere, Donovan.

McNabb: Get off my property!

Owens: It’s a free country. I can do whatever I want.

McNabb: Get off my property or I’ll call the cops on you.

Owens: Well then do it! Go on!

McNabb: Maybe I will, GOSH!

Terrell Owens, Donovan McNabb, and Brian Westbrook after T.O.’s Suspension from the Team

McNabb: I wish you wouldn’t look at me like that, Terrell.

Owens: I wish you’d get out of my life and shut up!

McNabb: I’m gonna tell you somethin’ right now. While you’re out there playing patty cake with your friend Drew Rosenhaus, your man Donovan here is makin’ millions.

Owens: I could make that much money in five seconds!

Westbrook: Geez. Yeah right, Terrell. I made, like, 100 grand today.

McNabb: Terrell, it looks like you don’t have a job. So why don’t you get out there and talk to Drew.

Owens: Why don’t you go eat a decroded piece of crap!