The Varsity

There’s a saying, “One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go.” Well One for the Money abruptly stops after “one for the money” and then picks up at “to go.” It is a half-baked film that attempts to combine the ineptitude of Jersey Shore, pulpy romance novels, and a poorly-crafted, made-for-TV film. It follows the story of Stephanie Plumb (Katherine Heigl), a newly unemployed 30-something Jersey girl who eats candy for breakfast. After blackmailing her seedy cousin Vinnie (Patrick Fischler) into letting her become a bail enforcement agent, Stephanie descends into Jersey’s greasy underworld only to find out that her first job is to catch the man who took her virginity.  With its all too common narrative, its lousy portrayal of its heroine, and music that is of the ‘90s low-budget porn variety, One for the Money lets a good premise fall hopelessly flat on its face.