This Vampire requires major assistance

In The Vampire’s Assistant, Darren Shan (Chris Massoglia), is just a regular adolescent until he attends a freak show at an old, abandoned theatre with his best friend Steve (Josh Hutcherson). One thing leads to another, and suddenly Willem Dafoe is popping up for cameos, Darren’s been turned into a half-vampire (prompting his discovery of hair gel), and an epic battle arises between the Vampires and the Vampaneze (evil vampires who—gasp—actually kill their victims). Manipulating all this is the ironically obese Mr. Tiny (Michael Cerveris). who is changing a book with his mind. The plot just gets more twisted from there.

Talented actors such as Orlando Jones appear all of a sudden and disappear from the film just as quickly. Subplots run wild, from Larten Crepsley’s (John C. Reilly) love for bearded lady Madame Truska (Salma Hayek) to a convoluted storyline involving DNA. If the movie hadn’t been structured around a battle between good and evil, it would have spun itself into incoherence.

The animated opening sequence was definitely the scariest, and, unfortunately, the best part of this film. The beginning got me all excited, but then the real movie started. The flashbacks and special effects feel as inauthentic as the film’s tap-dancing vampires, who fight with their fingernails and knock out mere mortals with their breath. The movie does point out that these habits are really no more ridiculous than believing that vampires are blood addicts, afraid of the cross, or able to turn into bats.

The bigger problem is that ˚ can’t seem to figure out what genre it belongs to. It starts off as a horror comedy, only to become a fantasy, and then morphs into an action film with a great big moral pasted on at the end, as if the director wasn’t really sure how to conclude the thing. The film really could have worked as a horror comedy, seeing that the humorous scenes were the most enjoyable and given director Paul Weitz’s past work on American Pie and About a Boy. Having John C. Reilly in one of the main roles also should have brought the humour to the forefront, though he did an excellent job given the wooden dialogue he had to work with. (It was also great watching Reilly battle Ray Stevenson, as if he was fighting Titus Pullo from HBO’s Rome.)

With so many vampire movies these days taking themselves too seriously, it would have been refreshing to see one that tried to be fun instead. But Vampire Assistant’s attempts at depth, including metaphors comparing puberty to vampire (sorry, half-vampire) transformation, are uninspired. At the same time, it was hard to take this movie seriously when Darren lies in his coffin, calmly playing games on his cell phone and aware that his family is mourning him just above.

On the whole, The Vampire’s Assistant might be a nice way to ease kids into the vampire genre on the way to Twilight or The Lost Boys. It will also resonate with fans of the books of the same name, which I myself read as a kid. But though the film has its laugh-out-loud moments, it probably isn’t worth a spare afternoon.

The Vampire’s Assistant is now in theatres.

Strokes of imagination: Mark Kingwell

Louis Armstrong’s crooning voice quietly drifts from behind philosopher, author, and professor Mark Kingwell’s paper-laden desk, echoing across a meticulously organized and half-empty corner office, like the ghostly strains of a party that’s happening down the street. The hushed quiet of the clean-cut space seems almost incomplete in Kingwell’s absence. A pair of tortoise shell Elwood wayfarers perches atop a pile of notes and next to an uncapped pen, static in the silence.

Kingwell enters the office with the confidence of a graduating high school senior. Sombre, but self-assured, he manages to wear an ironic philosophical T-shirt and jeans—without looking like a douche-bag. He picks up his pen and fiddles with his computer,

“So, what can I do for you?” he asks quietly.

In the introduction to Kingwell’s latest book, a meditation and interpretation of the life of Glenn Gould, John Ralston Saul calls Kingwell “a philosopher of our times and of our attempts to reinvent our existence.” And indeed, Kingwell explains with a sheepish smile, the presence and thought of Gould is evident on every page of the book, though Gould certainly isn’t mentioned on every page.

“A reader said something about the book that I really liked,” Kingwell says. “Gould is less the subject of the book, than the muse behind it.”

Saul approached Kingwell to contribute to the “Extraordinary Canadians” series two years ago. The series pairs an interesting and prominent living Canadian with the works and life of an interesting and prominent dead Canadian.

“Unlike some other cases, he didn’t actually have someone in mind for me,” Kingwell explains, “I was prepared to do Robertson Davies, but it seemed less interesting than one of these pairings might be. I just had a flash one morning that maybe nobody had taken Gould.”

He continues to explain that in his opinion, the importance of the series isn’t the facts of a narrative life, but the interaction between the author and their chosen subject.

“I had a sense that Gould was an interesting thinker about music,” he says, “I didn’t realize just how interesting he would be until I started doing my research. […] I didn’t have the intellectual wherewithal to convince them fully at the beginning that the combination of a philosopher and a musician was a good idea. I’m not a musician. But the whole point of the series is to take a famous dead Canadian and a live one, slam them together, and see what happens. The most productive combinations are going to be the ones that are a little bit off. There was just no point in writing a shorter version of a comprehensive biography.”

Instead of a comprehensive biography, the book is structured as an almost kaleidoscopic series of 21 “takes” on Gould’s life. Each chapter presents a reinterpretation and altogether different version of the life and the driving purposes behind it. Approached with Kingwell’s signature second-person style, the book seeks to understand the persona behind Gould’s actions and recordings, and appeals to the reader to understand the torrid mindset and almost frantic search for reinvention and identity that drove the prolific, neurotic, enigmatic figure. Somewhat rambling, and tip-toeing around the edge of being altogether random, Kingwell presents a meditation on the thoughts and ideas of a musician the way he perceived them, placing the book’s emphasis on the fruits of pairing a more disciplined and philosophical thinker with a talented and tortured musician.

“Gould’s’ music is the audible tip of the iceberg,” he says, “It’s the part you hear, hiding the part you don’t hear. You can appreciate it for its clarity and its beauty, but it’s only one-eighth of what’s going on. The rest of it is only partly revealed in his written work, and that’s a part of the enduring fascination with Gould.”

Kingwell took an abstract approach to getting inside Gould’s head. In a period of four months, he spent every day with Gould’s music and his written work. He listened to a comprehensive set of Gould recordings on repeat, and tortured his close friends with stories of the musician’s life and accounts of abstract issues of consciousness and identity.

“In that fairly short period, you’re dominated by your subject’s concerns, and you’re trying to grapple with them from your own perspective. It does drive you a little bit crazy,” he says, “If you spend a lot of time in his company, in a sense, you get a real vibe of that lack of resolution of identity. It’s almost like the picture of himself couldn’t come into focus. […] And that, in my opinion, is his single most contribution to 20th-century culture.”

In Glenn Gould, Kingwell approaches the tragedy and pain of his subject with an intrigued sensitivity, using peculiarities and eccentricities to explain a larger philosophical schema. In person, Kingwell communicates the extent of pain and passion, which were a part of getting inside of Gould’s head with an almost fervent tone breaking into his steadily calm articulation. He describes Gould as a fractured thinker, someone for whom the tension of day-to-day life was peppered with the burden of extraordinary talent. He speaks of Gould almost as an acquaintance, rather than a subject; a brother rather than a case study. But, after all, they did spend four months together.

“It’s funny, because intellectual life is supposed to be programmatic—you’re supposed to arrive at conclusions through rational reflections,” Kingwell explains about his approach to the book, “But these strokes of imagination are much more important. […] You have to start the performance, and see if you can pull it off.”

Mark Kingwell is participating in the IFOA’s Extraordinary Canadians panel at 2 p.m. on Saturday, Oct. 31 at the Harbourfront Centre’s Brigantine Room. Tickets are free for students.
For more information, visit

Atlas unplugged

Well into the evening last Saturday night, Lee’s Palace was far from capacity. The large line-up that routinely circles the wall of the venue was nonexistent, and people wandered in sparingly, casually flashing their ticket stubs and thrusting their wrists out to receive a token “Lee’s” stamp at the door. The lack of loyal fans that usually greet a 10 p.m. set time was somewhat disconcerting. Inside though, there was a relaxed atmosphere about the few people around—a tacit understanding that what was to come would be remarkable.

Like other indie enthusiasts, I have loyally followed Bradford Cox’s more renowned band, Deerhunter, and seen their shows a handful of times. The atmosphere at Lee’s Palace, though, told me that his solo incarnation would be very different. Fellow Atlantans The Selmanaires opened the show with an abundance of instruments, wheezy vocals, and a psychedelic tone. Yet despite all their experimental glory, there was something fundamentally off about this four-person outfit, resulting in shoegaze-wannabe status at best. When they announced their last song, the audience erupted into an ambiguous cheer of support and relief.

Sure enough, come 11 p.m., the venue had become an overcrowded zoo, accompanied by the zealousness I once doubted. There was no calculated tardiness or boring introduction: Cox walked onstage without a minute to spare, grabbed his acoustic guitar, mouthed an eerie “hello” into the mic, and launched into his set. Though he’s been known to wear anything from maids’ dresses to fishnets on stage, he sported corduroys and a knit sweater. His tall and skinny frame loomed over the crowd and his voice and presence were simply ethereal.

His songs, though leisurely and basic, were far from boring. Electronic loops and overlapping guitar riffs were otherworldly and hypnotic. Already, his live performance was far greater than my spaced-out imagination could fathom. Five songs in came the much-anticipated (thank you, Pitchfork) Noah Lennox duet “Walkabout.” The familiar, sweet-sounding hook of the intro was the catalyst to make the otherwise head-bobbing crowd start boogying.

There were a few show casualties, including an onstage police announcement asking for two gentlemen to report to the doors immediately. “Screw you guys,” Cox sarcastically exclaimed. “Thanks for ruining the effing show.”

The peak of the set was when Cox calmly announced he’d like to play a new song, to which the crowd responded with eager applause. He strapped his acoustic guitar back on, and began a gentle instrumental with quiet bass and percussion complementing him in the background. It was then that he finally broached the famed looping technique that Atlas Sound is so well known for. Allowing several chords to loop over each other electronically, he left his guitar to stroll to the back of the stage and make use of an abandoned drum set. Suddenly, the four band members perked up again—the bass, percussion and tambourine all coming into play—and the room was lit up by the hauntingly beautiful orchestra.

Cox’s performance was awe-inspiring and gorgeous, and I left at midnight having made sense of what I was so unsure of only hours prior. I was hooked. After eight years in the spotlight, with two years of solo glory as Atlas Sound, Cox has achieved the sort of cult audience that won’t slow down anytime soon.


Persisting Like a Racehorse, the second album by Idle Tigers, combines the sounds of Stereolab, Syd Barrett, and Tiny Tim into one seriously unique mix. Like on his first album, last year’s The Spirit Salon, Idle Tigers (a.k.a. Ross Hawkins) experiments with electronic sound against mandolin music and witty verse.

On Persisting, Hawkins retraces his roots to Northern England, meshing historical, contemporary, and imaginary tales to illustrate a rural countryside on mushrooms. On stand-out tracks “Silk on My Knee,” “The Adoration of the Magi,” and “Kitchen Sink,” Hawkins turns traditional stories upside down, commenting on the absurdity of modern life and sympathizing with those disappointed with their lot.

Ultimately, the lyrics are what take the spotlight in all of Hawkins’ songs. Even referring to them as “songs” is a little misleading, as this would imply some sort of melody or musical touch. The tracks are better described as a showcase of electronic sounds paired with decorative recitation of poetry.

Listened to passively, the album doesn’t really work, and delivers the same effect as a haunted house soundtrack. (This is not only a warning, but a suggestion. Halloween is just around the corner, after all.) But if you’ve got time to devote to it, Persisting Like a Racehorse is worth listening to at least once. Even beyond appreciating the cleverly crafted lyrics, it will make for a unique, albeit creepy listening experience.

Skule Nite gears up for Toronto Sketch Fest

What happens when you cram tons of highly intelligent, enthusiastic, hardworking students into one place and try to transform them through four years of rigour and sleep deprivation into successful engineers?

Even non-engineers should know that such a person requires some sort of outlet, and for the cast of Skule Nite, it’s a musical comedy revue. Logic should follow that overloading these diligent students with even more classes and depriving them of even more sleep can turn them into a world famous musical sketch comedy revue. At least, that is what Skule Nite hopes will happen when they compete in this year’s Toronto Sketch Comedy festival.

Ever since their first variety show performance at Massey Hall in 1921, Skule Nite has been dazzling audiences with their witty scenes and zany musical numbers. Featured every March at Hart House, the group’s annual show has become a mainstay of the university’s theatre scene and plays to packed houses every year. According to group member Jonathan Sun, Skule Nite’s brand of comedy “is made up of short scenes touching on a variety of different subjects that don’t necessarily have to do with one another. Just think Saturday Night Live.”

He adds that unlike many other comedy groups, Skule Nite members do not generate their material through improvisation, but plan and write it ahead of time. “Since we’re associated with the Faculty of Engineering, we do include some engineering jokes in our routines, but we try to make sure that they are suitable for a general audience.”

Group member Hasan Alkabeer adds, “At least 70 per cent of our material has to do with other topics: politics, pop culture, anything really. We want to be accessible to everyone.” For example, one of last year’s sketches featured “Four Years to Save the World,” a song that parodied Barack Obama using the Madonna hit “Four Minutes.”

Engineering students find themselves joining Skule Nite through a variety of paths. Elissa Caccavella, a fourth-year chemical engineering student and assistant director of this year’s March show, recounts, “In my first year here I went to see the show and could not pass up the chance to audition. I’ve always been a dancer, so I appreciated the incorporation of musical theatre elements into the show. It’s a good way to meet new people and engage with the wider community. It’s also a nice break from school.”

Not all Skule Nite members are engineering students. A friend introduced Gete Berhe, who studies human biology, to the group. “I auditioned because a friend who studies engineering needed someone to audition with. I got in, and since then, I’ve absolutely fallen in love with Skule Nite,” she said.

Nina Mason, who recently graduated from U of T’s Drama department and is now training to become a Montessori teacher, appreciates the laid-back atmosphere of the group. “This is much less formal than the kind of work I’m used to,” she says. “It’s more casual and participants have a more direct impact on the creative process. In the drama department I did various kinds of classical and contemporary theatre and I liked that. However, with Skule Nite I get to do something completely different.”

Building on the success that they have enjoyed over the years, Skule Nite members decided to expand their scope by entering Sketch Fest, an annual competition for sketch comedy groups from across Canada and the United States. According to group member Peter Raimondo, “Of about 120 entries from across Canada and the U.S., 48—including Skule Nite—were selected. We are very excited about this.” Sketch Fest will allow Skule Nite to perform alongside such well-established professional groups as Toronto Second City. Prizes include a range of cash awards, free workshops, and further performance opportunities.

One of the many hilarious sketches to be featured in the performances is entitled “Coming Soon,” and tells the story of three roommates, one of whom has recently started a job doing voice-overs for film previews. Perhaps overzealous in his career, he has begun to narrate all aspects of his daily life as voice-overs, and his omniscient insight into his surroundings soon leads him to reveal his two roommates’ dirtiest secrets, to his own advantage.

This year’s festival features three other groups that have attended U of T: Statutory Jape, The Boom, and Shoeless. But let’s see how far Skule Nite can go while they continue to spend their days in class.

The Toronto Sketch Comedy Festival runs November 10 to 15 at The Second City and other venues. For more information, visit

‘Get off our property!’

In May 2008, the Beaver Lake Cree launched a lawsuit against the government of Canada and the province of Alberta to prevent the expansion of the tar sands into their territory, located in Lac La Biche, Alberta. According to the lawsuit, an 1876 treaty between the Cree and Alberta states that “in exchange for the surrender of land,” the Cree have “the right to hunt and fish through the tract surrendered.” But development of the tar sands will render the land uninhabitable, the Cree say. Jack Woodward, who represents the Beaver Lake Cree, spoke Tuesday evening at the George Ignatieff Theatre, hosted by the group Environmental Defence.

“What this case is about, for the Cree People, is protecting the integrity of their land, and protection of the land in which they hunt and fish. And they are guaranteed that right to hunt and fish in their treaty,” said Woodward.

According to the lawsuit’s 745-page statement of claim, Alberta has granted over 16,000 permits for companies to extract oil from the Beaver Lake Cree’s traditional territory, with the permits representing infringements on this treaty right. The method of extraction, called steam-assisted gravity drainage, destroys large swaths of boreal forest and releases toxins that seep into the land.

The Canadian Constitution enshrines Aboriginal treaty rights, which, according to Woodward, means no statute of Canada or Alberta can infringe on these rights. In a 2005 decision, the Supreme Court ruled in favour of the Mikisew Cree when they sued the Canadian government, ruling that the construction of a winter road through their reserve in Alberta infringed upon their treaty right to hunt, fish, and trap. “This is an exercise of the most potent environmental law available in the Canadian legal system,” Woodward said.

Neither Canada nor Alberta have issued a statement of defence, although they are required to do so within three weeks of the statement of claim being filed. The Attorney General in Ottawa declined to comment for this article, as did representatives of BP Canada Energy, Canada Natural Resources Ltd., Conoco Phillips, Devon Corporation, and Husky Energy.

“It’s very, very difficult to do what Beaver Lake Cree are doing, what my community is doing, and what hundreds of other [aboriginal communities] are doing,” said Ron Plain, program manager of Environmental Defence’s aboriginal program. Plain said that departments in the Canadian government are set up to work in the best interest of the Crown, and highlighted the personal struggles that community members go through.

President of Guyana visits U of T to speak on climate change

Climate change due to deforestation is one of the biggest threats facing our species today. President Bharrat Jagdeo of the Republic of Guyana thinks he knows how to solve it. Jagdeo gave a lecture at Hart House on Thursday, October 22 discussing sustainable forestry and climate change.

Jagdeo, who Time magazine and CNN named as one of the heroes of the environment in 2008, spoke about the failure of past international environmental initiatives. “I think we fail because the Kyoto model did not address the crude costs of deforestation. In Haiti and in the Dominican Republic, trees are being cut down because people need firewood to cook and eat. There is a rational incentive to deforest,” said Jagdeo.

He argues for a new global environmental model called Reduction of Emissions from Deforestation and Forest Degradation, a strategy that merges a low-carbon economy with sustainable forestry. “In Guyana, we have decided to do a large-scale pilot [study] to encompass the whole country. We have 16 million hectares of forest. We are prepared to save the forest if the incentives are there.”

REDD is based on the idea that former international agreements, such as the Kyoto Protocol, left out an important detail in the battle against climate change: the protection of forests and their ability to preserve biodiversity, regulate rainfall, and act as carbon sinks. In order to generate revenue, countries such as Guyana that possess large areas of rainforest will charge developed nations for the service of removing carbon dioxide from the atmosphere.

Jagdeo explained how the idea of REDD will work in Guyana: “What is the profit from timber, soybean production, and mining? Out of that sum, we subtract the loss of local ecosystem services.” He has come up with a cost effective model that works out to a profit of $580 million per year.

“We’ve had a consultation process, [we formed] a committee with indigenous people, loggers, miners, the private sector, every interest group. We are trying to develop a broad national consensus,” he explained.

He addressed where the revenue from the low carbon model will go. “Most of our people live below sea level, we want to spend some of the money on bettering our control of water management. We want to spend some resources on a whole series of low carbon investment opportunities, such as ecotourism and large-scale agriculture. To create alternative employment for people, we want to use some of the resources to transform the economies of indigenous villages, find sustainable activities for them to earn money,” he said.

In a Q&A session after the lecture, Jagdeo addressed the possibility of government corruption within his low-carbon model: “We need new government structures to deal with global climate change funds which should have separate procedures. A global governance structure for the government is a vital part of the discussion in Copenhagen.”

Jagdeo also spoke earlier in the day at York University and Trent University. When asked why he wanted to speak at universities, he responded, “It is important to raise awareness within academia and the public at large. Negotiations for a replacement to Kyoto have taken place at a technical level, but what is needed now is a political breakthrough to have a successful agreement. The political incentive will only come about if everyone gets involved in the debate.”

The Republic of Guyana plans to debut the model at the Climate Conference in Copenhagen later this year. “We want to prove before Copenhagen that we have a model that works,” said Jagdeo. “Encourage your government to get involved. Non-governmental organizations, the private sector, we all need to take positions. It will happen when we all become involved.”

I think we fail because the Kyoto model did not address the crude costs of deforestation. In Guyana, we have decided to do a large-scale pilot study to encompass the whole country. We have 16 million hectares of forest. We are prepared to save the forest if the incentives are there.

The Soviet Union fell 20 years ago, but remnants of Russian authoritarism remain strong today

The Economist published a story last week illustrating an important fact about today’s Russian society. As a joke, a restaurant called themselves the Anti-Soviet because of its location opposite a hotel called the Soviet. Local authorities ordered the restaurant change its name. Spreading anti-Soviet feelings, the restaurant was told by the local state, is not acceptable in Russia.

This is only one example of such state intervention. Prime Minister Vladimir Putin, an ex-KGB member, has repeatedly engaged in acts that embrace the old Soviet Union ideology. He has called the USSR’s fall “the greatest geo-political catastrophe,” has re-entered pro Stalin teachings into school curricula, and has created a statue in honour of the cruel dictator in a Moscow Metro station.

Putin and his administration increasingly use methods associated with the Communist Party of Soviet Union and the Soviet regime. They have rigged elections, and have arrested and harassed lawyers, journalists, activists, trade unionists, and anybody who is in opposition to those currently in power. They’ve appointed hand puppet President Dmitry Medvedev, who everybody knows carries no real weight without Putin’s approval.

The traditions of the CPSU are not carried by its legal successor, the Communist Party of Russian Federation, but by Putin’s party, United Russia. The genealogy of United Russia goes right back to the same CPSU and the Soviet elite. They had enjoyed their privileges for years, while letting the Soviet economy sink in its inability to compete on a world scale. But they weren’t content with that; they wanted to plunder the assets of the Russian people. That is to say, they wanted capitalism.

These poster boys only wanted western-style democracy when it was accompanied by capitalism because it would let them sell national property, knock-down prices, and become rich overnight. They didn’t really want democracy at all.

It is natural that Putin stands for a lot of what Soviet bureaucracy stood for, while at the same protecting the private economy and never talking about going back to the nationalized economy of the USSR. After all, what would be better than a capitalist regime where bureaucrats can make themselves wealthy by selling national assets, accompanied by all the repressive measures needed to silence the society? Market without democracy—that is what they stand for.

It is true that Putin is popular among the people. Tired of the miserable life they had to live, especially in the first years after the fall, people turned to a strongman who wouldn’t talk about boring politics and would single-handedly rule the country. A man of common sense, who is “one of them.” Putin has been very successful in promoting this picture of himself.

But who are the real opponents of these authoritarian measures? Who has fought against them, and who can actually put them to an end?

The right, the liberal critics, and the champions of western liberals have no base in Russian society. Their two per cent of the vote in the last election might be lower than what it actually was (due to rigging by the government), but the real result couldn’t have been much better. They have failed to win any support in Russia, which is why they’re easily repressed.

It’s an historical irony, then, that the only real opposition to the Putin regime comes from the Communist Party of Russian Federation. Workers, trade unionists, youths and left radicals are coming to the ranks of the CPRF in recent years, and it has managed to be by far the second biggest party in country.

Russia’s political development is still far from a finished process. The people who are tired of Putin’s rule remain apathetic and avoid politics, or focus on NGO-style operations and human rights activism, which doesn’t extend into the realm of political power. But the CPRF has shown that it can attract protest movements, and maybe under better leadership, be a voice of opposition.

The subsequent history of Russia will depend on the degree to which the CPRF, or any other party, could lead a mass opposition to the country’s elite authoritarian rule, and demand the political power.