‘Magic’ fossils prove myth?
In a controversial new report published Saturday, biologists at the University of Belfast have proposed the new species Homo leprechaunus, after turning up a specimen of a previously unknown, tiny hominoid. The finding lends support to the myth that Ireland was once-and perhaps still is-inhabited by diminutive sprites commonly known as leprechauns. Dr. Alvin Faussethead, a paleontologist, says he has found no signs of leprechaun culture, such as tiny shoes or pots of gold, but the fossil gives clear signs of leprechaun behaviour. According to Faussethead, the bent and elongated tarsal bones and phalanges of the feet are highly adapted to mischief. The disappearance of leprechauns, suggests Faussethead, is the result of the looting of their buried treasures, estimated to have happened 5,000 years ago during the rise of the garden gnome. Researchers are now applying these findings to the search for evidence of elves, hobbits, and smart Americans.
Source: Mystical Creatures Quarterly
-Mac Lurchsky
Console war goes green
Apple has entered the gaming console arena with iWin, a new device gaining ground against Nintendo and Xbox thanks to Apple’s secretive advertising strategy. Though scheduled for Canadian release this week, no pictures or specifications of iWin were ever seen until a press release last Thursday outlined the console’s features.
According to Apple, “the artificially-intelligent iWin boasts an ergonomic design, 6-D ultrasound motion sensors, a million-GB hard drive, supra-wireless ultranet access, and HHHDTV-compatibility. Besides playing the latest games, this new system lets you watch movies, listen to music, share files, make toast, wash moderately-sized loads of laundry, and fly. Because iWin burns Apple Biogas™, playing games has never been so green!”
Though critics have already begun labeling Apple’s new green approach an expensive and bulky investment, with biogas canisters estimated to cost around $60, Apple insists that the move away from electrical outlets and toward sustainable resources is already underway.
Fans are lining up at storefronts in the hopes of being among iWin’s first owners. Andrew Stimpo, a fourth-year political science student, has stood in front of the Best Buy on Bay and Dundas for the past five days.
“My finals start tomorrow and my term paper was due yesterday, but I don’t care,” said a shivering Stimpo.
-Lisa Munchkey
‘Planet’ redefined, excludes Earth
Hot on the heels of the August 2006 decision that stripped Pluto of its planetary status, the International Astronomical Union has once again redefined the term ‘planet.’ Effective immediately, Earth will no longer be considered a planet but will be known as a “terrestrial asteroid of reduced dimension,” or TARD.
Source: International Astronomical Union news service
-L.M.
