Good news for all you extreme sports fans out there. After prolonged discussion, U of T will be adding the skeleton to the Varsity sports program.

The inclusion of this new varsity team was inspired by two things. The first was the dominant performance of the Canadian Olympic skeleton team at the 2006 Olympic Games in Turin, Italy. In Turin, the Canadian men nearly swept the podium in the skeleton event, finishing first, second, and fourth. Duff Gibson of Calgary, Alberta claimed the gold medal in a track record time of 57.80 seconds, while his teammate Jeff Pain, also of Calgary, claimed the silver. In the women’s event, Canadian Melissa Hollingsworth-Richards also hit the podium, winning the bronze medal. In total, Canada won half of the six possible medals in the skeleton events.

The second factor that pushed the university towards the creation of a varsity skeleton team is the fact that Canada will be hosting the 2010 Winter Olympic Games. The upcoming Olympic Games are to be held in Vancouver, British Columbia, and Canada is aiming to perform its best. In order to do that, it is important to scout out new talent in all Olympic sports, skeleton included. Toronto is a large city, with many tremendous athletes, but Toronto has no access to a proper ice track. Until now, the lack of access to proper facilities has stopped Ontario universities from creating skeleton teams. But anyone who has seen the movie “Cool Runnings,” inspired by the first-ever Jamaican bobsled team, knows you don’t need ice to be competitive in a winter sport.

Tryouts for the skeleton team will be held during the week of Jan. 8 to 12, the first week of classes for the second semester. Students who wish to try out should meet at the athletic centre at 7 a.m. sharp, dressed in athletic gear, and ready to workout.

First, everyone trying out will be given a sled the same size and weight as an Olympic skeleton sled. Each person will be timed as they run with the sled from the athletic centre to Varsity Arena. Upon arrival at the arena, everyone will be issued a spandex suit to quickly change into before reconvening at centre ice. All skeleton-team hopefuls will be asked to put on a helmet and perform a skeleton start where they will sprint across the ice and then dive on to the sled. Organizers will record the maximum speed each contestant reaches before crashing head-first into the boards. Each person will have three chances to better their time before moving on.

Those not too concussed to continue will move on to the cold-weather endurance test. Students will climb into a barrel in their spandex and the barrel will then be filled with snow. Students will be timed to see how long they can stand the pain of the cold.

Lastly, those who do not have hypothermia will complete the high-speed tolerance test. Since Olympic skeleton athletes reach maximum speeds of up to 130 kilometers an hour, organizers need to be certain that skeleton-hopefuls can handle going fast. One at a time, each person remaining will be tied down, head-first on their stomach to the roof-rack of a van. This van will then attempt to reach approximately 100 km/h, weaving through traffic, with the student strapped on top.

This tryout process will be repeated Monday to Friday, and then the final decisions on who makes the team will be posted at the end of Friday’s session.

If you still think this article is for real, then you just might be crazy enough to take up the skeleton after all.