Dear Jewel,

I dumped my boyfriend because he flirts with girls. He is a great guy otherwise. I talked to the girls, and they denied it. They just said he is “friendly.” He and I no longer speak, but he still flirts with girls as if he is insinuating that I should accept this. Are my actions correct?

—Confused

Dear Confused,

Girlfriend, you really need to turn it down a notch. I can’t help but wonder if you ignored his “friendly” behavioural symptoms during your travels on the “Path of Courtship.” It is conceivable that your feelings for him were not strong in the early stages of your relationship. Consequently, his “friendly” behaviour was not objectionable in your eyes.

The fact of the matter is he was “friendly” with other women during the relationship, and remains to be after it has dissolved. His current flirting is not a signal for you to read. He is a friendly flirt who is here to stay. Take it or leave it. You left, so stop being bitter. In the future, look at the telltale signs of your knight in shining armour. Make sure he is what you are bargaining for. After all, defeat is hard to swallow. Bitter salt has ruined your relationship.

In her book The Complete Idiot’s Guide to a Healthy Relationship, Dr. Judy Kuriansky says every partner’s motive for flirting stems from a different desire. She explains, “Some partners flirt to boast their egos, enjoy their attractiveness, learn about other people, or just to have a little fun. Other times, of course, flirting can be dangerous.” Open dialogue is the only way to combat the problem. You lost the battle because jealousy dictated your actions, not rationality. You disregarded the testimonies of your ex-boyfriend’s supposed objects of flirtation. Although those girls said he “was just being friendly,” you mapped out your own conclusions, convicted him and fled the scene. You did not fight your duel “eye to eye.”

You left bitter. You left him bitter. Now that you’re broken up, you have no right to question how he conducts his life.

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