LOS ANGELES-Ashton Kutcher and Amanda Peet are ushered into a conference room at the Four Seasons hotel in Beverly Hills. The two actors are in town to answer writers’ questions about their new romantic comedy, A Lot Like Love.
Megastar Kutcher puts his audience of reporters at ease immediately with his typical Punk'd-style shtick, banging on the microphone and yelling, "Test! Test! Is this thing on?" In the presence of such beautiful people, the reporters laugh graciously, having been momentarily entertained.
The film sets its When Harry Met Sally story in the racier early '90s, where Oliver and Emily hit it off immediately by joining the 'mile-high club' on the plane, and then spending the next seven years resisting the chemistry of their initial encounter. Whenever the two experience the relationship blahs, they simply call each other up and remember what was good about their lack of a relationship-which remains suspended throughout the course of the film. That the film 'borrows' liberally from successful romantic comedies along the way is testament to the depressing state of popular films today, and typical of the practice of simply casting younger, fresher faces in what used to be better movies.
While I'm tempted to ask Kutcher and Peet why I got in a fight with my girlfriend after watching the movie (which is supposed to be 'romantic,' right?), I don't stand a chance to even ask amongst all the seasoned professionals whose technique of yelling their questions as loudly as possible over the other reporters has obviously been honed over the years of attending such junkets.
Kutcher looks a bit shell-shocked, and wonders if perhaps a better way might be for each of the inquirers to raise their hands. Chaos, however, reigns supreme.
"Ashton! Ashton? How so you think your film relates to the recent marriage of Prince Charles and Camilla Parker Bowles?"
(He comments that the 30-year love affair between the couple is apparently a "big deal" in England, from whence the actor just returned.)
"Ashton! Ashton! Why did you find it necessary to wear your Kabbalah bracelet during the film?!"
(He didn't wear his Kabbalah bracelet during this film, but did in his previous picture, the recent watered-down remake of Guess Who.)
"Amanda! Amanda? What do you think of fashion?"
(She likes it. She likes to dress up)
"Ashton! Ashton! Have you ever been a member of the "mile high club?"
(He tried it once, but it was really hard to coordinate because of the line-ups for the bathroom.)
"Amanda! Amanda! Do you believe in love at first sight?"
(She doesn't. She believes "in a lot of chemistry and lust at first sight. Maybe I'm getting too old, but I think love takes work, and I think timing is everything. Both people have to be ready to be open, and I think that's what the movie is about.")
"Ashton! Ashton! What's the appeal of your character Oliver in the film?!"
(He thinks that "the appeal of Oliver is that he's relatable. I think guys in general feel like they have to attain this certain personal status in their mind before they can be in a relationship. It's like, 'I'm not who I am yet, I'm going to be who I am when I get this and this and this, then I won't have to worry about trading up.' They think, 'Now I'm at this level, so I can get this kind of girl, but when I get there I'll have to trade up, so why even bother to go through it?' And the truth is that you're never there, but you're always there." What?)
"Ashton! Amanda! What did you think of the nudity in the film?!"
(Kutcher ponders this and quips, "As often as I can be nude, I try to be nude." Then, the truth: "No, I was actually really frightened and really not a fan of it. For other people, I like them being nude... No, it's just this awkward body thing you have to live in and it's completely exposed. I actually wore a thong. It's a thong with a catcher's mitt. That's fun to wear. It was a little awkward.")
"Amanda! Amanda! How's your play [the new Neil LaBute off-Broadway thing with Ben Stiller, This is How it Goes]?"
(It's going "really well.")
"Ashton! ASH-ton! What's the most romantic, impulsive thing that you ever did?"
(He found out that he had a day off from shooting a film in Canada and flew to L.A. to be able to spend 15 minutes with someone special in the airport-unfortunately, no names are mentioned.)
"Amanda! Amanda! Amanda! What do you think of starring with Ashton Kutcher in a movie?"
(She giggles. She thinks it's great. She's happy for the opportunity.)
"Ashton! ASHTON! Is it true that John Edwards Punk'd you?"
(He kind of did and kind of didn't, by Kutcher's account. While campaigning in the last election, Kutcher was part of Edwards' entourage and was questioned by Secret Service agents about his bag, which they threatened to blow up for security reasons. Apparently there is a tape somewhere that Kutcher would like to get his hands on.)
A publicist arrives and threatens to take our stars away, just when we were getting to important issues. Now is the last chance for that all-important final question...
“Ashton! Ashton! When establishing a relationship, do you make the first move?”
(He’s not really “a move guy.” He doesn’t really know if he even “has moves.” He’s “kind of shy.”)
“Ashton! Amanda! Ashton! Amanda! Ashton! Ashton!”
It is too late. They are whisked away from our all-too-brief encounter. We’re left now to only see them repeatedly on our movie and TV screens, magazine covers (both fashion glossies and the tabloids, of course), sitting courtside at Laker games, and on the Broadway stage. Sigh.
The phalanx of reporters walk to the podium to retrieve their recorders. They, like me, have been changed by this experience-not only by their encounter with two photogenic rising stars, but by their encounter with The Great Hype Machine that attempts to elevate mediocrity by throwing lots of money at publicity, instead of spending it to make a better film in the first place.
