Every time, you wake up the next morning thinking, “Never again.” There’s that nagging sense of letdown, the vaguely icky feeling of overindulging in a guilty pleasure that’s never as good as you anticipate.
By now, shouldn’t we all know better than to be an active participant in that one-night stand known as the Oscars? I’m as big a film buff as the next person, but every year, I swear I won’t watch a single minute of that self-indulgent bore-fest. Yet there I am parked in front of the idiot box the minute the fanfare signals the beginning of another Academy Awards show.
At least this year there was reason to hope against hope that things would be different-after all, our generation’s smartass hero, The Daily Show’s Jon Stewart, was anointed host of the proceedings. Surely if anyone could bring some levity to the 12-hour show and cut those preening Tinseltown types down to size, it was our man, right?
Oh, Jonny, we hardly knew ye. From his overly stiff opening monologue to the initially amusing but then tiresome mock “campaign ads,” Stewart did the one thing his fans wouldn’t have expected of him: he played it safe. Instead of turning his laser-beam comic focus on a plethora of rich material (gay cowboys! effete authors! gender-bending!), he decided to poke fun at an easier target: himself.
We know everyone loves a self-deprecating class clown, but come on! I mean, honestly-there’s ice-queen Charlize Theron sitting right in front of you looking like she’s been gift-wrapped by a teenaged Kmart clerk intent on making extra cash at Christmas. Then Jennifer Garner nearly falls flat on her face just making her way to centre stage-this, of course, coming from a woman who regularly navigates the red carpet in sky-high heels (though she saved Stewart from having to say anything by nicely skewering herself with the aside about how she does her own stunts).
I could go on. But really, what’s the point? Truth be told, it isn’t even Stewart’s fault that the 78th annual Academy Awards felt as long and snoozy as the other 77. That’s just the Oscars for ya-it’s an industry shindig, by and for people who traffic in make-believe for a living.
And like it or not, Stewart is part of that business. He may have lampooned his brief and undistinguished acting career (anyone want to admit to watching Death to Smoochy just to catch his bit part?), but who’s to say he won’t appear in the movies again? Holding Hollywood up to ridicule wasn’t his job on Oscar night, but it would have been awfully nice if he’d brought just a little more of his Daily Show bite to the big dance.
Turns out some people have learned their lesson far better than I-the viewing audience for this year’s Oscars was the lowest since 2003, down a significant 8 per cent from last year despite the buzz surrounding Stewart’s gig. Perhaps this drop in viewship was unsurprising, given that the best moment of last Sunday’s telecast was the awarding of best song to a number from hip-hop flick Hustle & Flow, elegantly titled “It’s Hard Out Here for a Pimp.”
Given their wildly enthusiastic acceptance speech that livened things up even for the few minutes they were onstage, one couldn’t help but think: Three 6 Mafia as host next year? The lobbying begins now.
