At one moment in your life, love may overcome every aspect. You will not notice it at first, but with time you’ll understand. When you’re nervous on the phone, excited to talk with the one you love. When every kiss feels brand new. When every touch feels like the greatest adrenaline rush. When three hours pass in a minute. When this happens over and over again, you will know you are in love. Are you?
What is it about love that has fascinated ingenious minds for centuries? How can something so culturally widespread have remained a mystery throughout generations? There is no one definition that encapsulates the concept of love, and there never will be.
The biological mechanism behind the mystery was thought to be understood, but this has changed in the last century. So what’s going in our brains?
Love uses several neural reward pathways. The most prominent is referred to as the mesolimbic pathway, extending from our midbrain to the limbic system using the neurotransmitter dopamine. Dopamine is a neuromodulator that can diffuse large areas of the nervous system, affecting a multitude of neurons. Rewarding activities, like love, boost a stimulating cascade of biochemical reactions leading to the physical perception of pleasure, but perception of this pleasure can also come from artificial stimulants like drugs, which use the same pathway. In fact, studies have shown male rats choosing to self administer intracranial stimulation rather than indulge in sex with a sexually receptive female. Yet there is a major difference between the different types of stimuli. Natural stimulants are held in check by aversive centres, meaning that the desire decreases for a time following the pleasurable activity. This is why what some refer to as “time lag” periods can interrupt sex. Meanwhile, drugs promote a vicious positive feedback referred to as motivational toxicity, an effect some would undoubtedly prefer at the expense of health. From this perspective, “addiction to love” takes on an entirely new meaning.
But there are different kinds of love: your feelings towards your mother differ from the love towards your partner. Misunderstood on a biological level, both seem to instill a sense of belonging and safety, and reduce anxiety. This not only helps us lead healthier lives, but gives us a reason to be. If you are depressed, odds are that a lack of love—a lack of purposefulness, of being needed—may play a major role.
The act of sex by no means implies a loving relationship, nor does a loving relationship imply the abundance of sex. Yet as most will attest, the ideal sexual partner is undoubtedly one for whom you do indeed have strong feelings of attachment. A point of note: women evaluate men differently across menstrual cycles. So how does that age-old adage go? “If at first you don’t succeed…”
Some believe that stress may actually be beneficial to the forming of social bonds, perhaps because it effectively puts individuals into a state where they can better emotionally relate. Romantic Hollywood movies seem to cash in on this theme. The guy usually won’t get the girl until the passing of a series of never-ending dilemmas faced by both.
Nothing should be taken to excess, as chronic stress seems to compromise health, leading to a breakdown of social relationships, which may in turn result in depression. The best option is prevention. Taking your friend for a night out on the town might be one of the better options after a tough breakup. Putting their life into perspective and reminding them how many other things they’ve got going for them may go a long way in regaining full form.
So why love at all, you may ask? Why expose yourself to being hurt? The answer lies within the existence of love itself. Simply put, the benefits exceed the cost. Love promotes social attachment, gathering, copulation, and reproduction. Love is even more important than self-esteem and self-actualization, according to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. Love helps us reduce anxiety and stress, indirectly boosting our immune systems and sexual performance. Both have a direct benefit for the continuation of our species—the single most important priority in the animal world.
