The Varsity recently sent film critic Will Sloan to his first Toronto International Film Festival, and he came back a changed man. We’ve seen the pictures and read the reviews. It’s a movie lover’s paradise, from the whirlwind of gala screenings to the A-list parties. We asked him to describe what it’s like off the red carpet and behind the scenes. As a public service, he has agreed to provide some words of wisdom in the form of the life lessons he gleaned from our city’s annual film extravaganza. One thing is for certain—he’ll never look at the entertainment industry the same way again.
In my estimation, the best thing about TIFF is the glory of the press pass. It separates you from the unwashed masses that stand for hours on end outside Yorkville hotels and, if they’re lucky, eventually might get to see the top of John Malkovich’s head. With a press pass, you are different—you are special. Be sure to wear it around your neck at all hours of the day and night. Sleep and shower in it too. Stare lovingly at yourself in the mirror with your press pass and say, “Hot damn, I am one bad-ass film critic.”
Don’t get too excited when your press pass comes with a Pizza Nova “mystery gift card”—mine was only worth two dollars. I wonder how much Ebert gets? The guy’s got an appetite.
Big crowds tend to form outside the InterContinental Hotel, easily the most star-studded hub during festival time. When you exit the front doors, don’t take it personally when the hundred-strong crowd of gawkers gazes up at you hopefully and then quickly looks away, disappointed that you’re not a celebrity.
It’s time to face the facts: Kevin Smith just isn’t a very talented director. Stop clinging to the fact that Chasing Amy was a fluke. Zack and Miri Make a Porno is only slightly funnier than Hotel Rwanda.
Don’t even dream of asking Adrien Brody where he keeps his Oscar. He’ll only glare at you and say, “I don’t discuss that.”
Brad Pitt was staying at the Park Hyatt. Sorry you missed him.
At press junkets, journalists will not always ask the most penetrating questions. I actually heard someone ask Brothers Bloom director Rian Johnson if his con-man movie was inspired by the fraud scandal surrounding Anne Hathaway’s fiancé. (I had one of my better TIFF moments when I then immediately asked Johnson if all his films are inspired by National Enquirer headlines. His response: “Yes!”)
Don’t even think you can get rush tickets to the big Hollywood movies. It’s not happening. I did things no man should have to do to get my JCVD ticket.
I misinterpreted Deepa Mehta’s Heaven on Earth. Deepa Mehta told me so herself.
Varsity favourite Mark Ruffalo promises to move to Canada if John McCain is elected President.
Having Bill Maher and Larry Charles look you straight in the eye and respond angrily to your criticism of their film Religulous is a terrifying experience.
Best movie at TIFF ‘08: Charlie Kaufman’s Synecdoche, New York. Best excuse to re-watch a great one: Wong Kar Wai’s Ashes of Time Redux.
If you can make a roomful of journalists and Rachel Weisz laugh, it’ll pretty much be the best moment of your life.
