“What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder,” proclaimed Pastor Josh Duggar of TLC’s 17 Kids and Counting, as he kissed his 20-year-old bride at the culmination of their televised wedding. That kiss was their first ever, and it signified the fact that the couple, who had been courting for two years, could finally enter into a physical relationship. In fact, until that moment, the two had never been alone together; family members had chaperoned all of their visits. Yes, it’s hard to make out while your mother is watching.
To many, these values seem archaic, drawn straight from the depths of the Jesus-loving, gospel-preaching land of Mike Huckabee along the Bible belt. In reality, the concept of moral and physical purity before marriage is alive and kicking. Chastity has been getting significant media attention these days: shows like Big Love and the recent arrests of two Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (FLDS) leaders have sparked a rising interest in the sect; TV documentaries like Purity Balls and the Duggar family phenomenon are piquing curiosities as well. People are riveted by stories of young men and women who follow the conservative paths of not dating, finding marriage partners through prayer and parental council, and abstaining from sex until these prayers are met. These virtuous young folk—most of them in their teens and early 20s—believe earnestly in the value of abstinence, and make it clear to onlookers that chastity is a choice they’ve made for themselves, not something forced upon them. Considering the passion these youth have for their lifestyles, the notion of saving your first kiss for your wedding day seems logical—even romantic.
These values are vulnerable to criticism—after all, we’re a sexually liberated public—and accordingly, many write them off as crazy. This explains the secular public’s overwhelming interest: the more outdated and quaint these values seem, the more they fascinate us. The shows aren’t marketed towards religious teens, but to the opposite. They attract sexually liberated viewers who are, in a way, shocked by antiquated worldviews and curious about communities they’ll likely never be exposed to. The irony is that the channels that air these programs also present unabashedly bawdy content: lurid celebrity gossip, and dispatches from the single, rich, and lusty. As a result, the public is caught between two extremes. One could argue that juxtaposing the pure with the lascivious is merely presenting two different sides of the story. But what about the moderate view? What happened to the idea of following your heart? And what about love?
Whether it’s waiting for your marriage bed or waking up in a different one every morning, both sides will attempt to prove that their lifestyles are better. They market their values by making them trendy, presenting them as things that “everyone’s doing.” What people forget is that sex is a personal choice. Sex has become a duty, an initation ritual. What’s wrong with waiting until you’re ready, or really “making love?” Sex can be sacred or lewd, but it’s up to the person having the sex to decide. So laugh as Jim Bob tells Josh of the birds and the bees, scoff at Britney’s newest beau, but know that there’s a whole world in between.
