GREETINGS, NEWSPAPER READERS! My name is Tammy Tomorrow™, Tour Guide of the Future, and I’m excited to take you on a thrilling sneak preview of things to come in the field you once called “Journalism.” Please excuse any clumsiness on my part — being back on the printed page after all these years is sure going to take some getting used to!
In the words of Ronald Reagan, the twentieth century’s greatest president, “The status quo, you know, is Latin for ‘the mess we’re in.’” Rudolph T. Moneybanks, founder and CEO of TetrahedraCorp International, has taken it as his life’s mission to overthrow the high-and-mighty ruling class. Ever since 2025, the year Rudolph began his multimedia empire, he knew that the American people needed to be freed from the so-called “experts” and “authorities” who oppressed them. He knew that we were smart enough to think for ourselves.
Imagine a world where media bias is a thing of the past. Imagine a world where you can get your news straight from the source, without some downtown elite telling you what to think and how to feel. Imagine a world where you need no longer slog your way through a long, tedious article to find the information you need — information that may have been corrupted by some ivory tower pseudo-intellectual who wants to impose his way of life on you. Imagine a world where the media reports — and you decide.
Welcome to a future where you can receive information straight from politicians, businesspeople, and your favourite celebrities in quick, easy-to-read infobites of one hundred and forty characters or less, beamed straight to your brain. Welcome to a future where you have power over the information you receive. No more ink-stained fingers. No more killing trees. No more newspapers and periodicals. It’s time to move forward from such outmoded forms of thinking. It’s time to democratize the media. In the words of twentieth century musician John Lennon: “Power to the people™!”
A modern-day Renaissance Man. Dreamer. Visionary. Innovator. Humanitarian. Legend. The greatest businessman of his age. He is many things to many people, but who is the real Rudolph T. Moneybanks?
At the dawn of the twenty-first century, the future founder and CEO of TetrahedraCorp was just “Little Rudy.” A working-class kid and computer whiz from Queen’s with nothing more than determination and a dream, Rudy made it to Yale in 2020 on a scholarship. Between graduating at the top of his class, serving as student council president and vice president of Skull and Bones, Rudy found time to perfect the innovative and groundbreaking Tetrahedron®, a cuticle-sized chip that transmits music, movies, books, games, news, the Internet, and social media directly into your brain. A sensation from the moment it hit the market in 2025, advancements in brain surgery technology meant Tetrahedron® insertion stations sprang up around the country, and by 2035, over eighty-five per cent of American families were Tetrahedron® users!
While his electronic business grew to encompass all manner of fast, easy-to-use audiovisual technology, this was not enough for Rudy. It wasn’t long after he made his first hundred billion that the TetrahedraCorp empire expanded to include TetraRadio, TetraPictures, TetraFoods, Tet’s (a popular coffee and culture franchise), Rudy’s Kitchen (a popular restaurant chain), Tets ‘n Tats (a popular clothing line), and dozens of other hugely successful companies in an unprecedented winning @#dgh$^f&&$f23streak.
But Rudy’s ambitions were greater than simply manufacturing and distributing high-quality goods and services. From a young age, Rudy knew it was his calling to revolutionize the media — to truly democratize the way we exchange ideas, free from the arbitrary coercion of the so-called “experts.” In 2046, having already joined with most of the major networks, TetrahedraCorp founded TetraNews, television’s leading fair-and-balanced news source. With popular pundits and anchors who simply reported the news free of spin, bias, or manipulation, TetraNews quickly became TV’s most trusted twenty-four-hour news source. When a crucial 2052 Supreme Court decision overthrew America’s archaic antitrust laws in a narrow 5-4 vote, TetrahedraCorp was free to merge with the other, irrelevant news sources that remained and create a single, unbiased voice in American news and views6Aw$@ejioj1at90jg#$^adoi(nahi5adgitbgvq2po$%Y#Qshitpissfuckcockrudolphmoneybanksgrewupinthehamptonsmotherfuckertits
Hello. It seems that this article was briefly hijacked. Not to worry: the brave men and women of the TetrahedraCorp Security Force were able to apprehend the guilty party. Fortunately, in this age of new media, these types of people are a much more negligible sector of the population than they used to be.
The success of TetraNews has been overwhelming. For the first time, voters are no longer brow-beaten into voting for unqualified candidates by agenda-driven columnists, and are instead presented with nothing more or less than hard facts. Beamed straight from our Washington News Headquarters into every Tetrahedron® owner in America, hourly one hundred and forty-character TetraNewsBriefs transmissions keep every member of the citizenry informed.
This rise of a truly unbiased media source has reaffirmed our common values. Americans are free to rediscover the universal beliefs that unite us all, proven by the fact that ever since its foundation, an astonishing ninety-seven per cent of all elected government officials had been endorsed by TetraNews.
While Rudy never imposes his opinions on his customers, he is still an informed and active citizen who enjoys debate and likes making his opinions known. An outspoken supporter of free-market capitalism, Rudy values that only in America can anyone become a self-made millionaire. His crusades against antitrust laws, income tax, and government regulations on business are legendary, and it was largely through his efforts that Canada and Mexico’s economic unification with the United States came to pass in 2068.
Time has not slowed him down. Earlier this year, Rudy gave an important endorsement to incumbent presidential candidate John F. McLintock, and has contributed over five-trillion dollars to his campaign. It will be interesting to see, however, if Rudolph Moneybanks sticks with McLintock in the next election or if he’ll throw Thompson a bone it’s not too late for him Thompsonnnnnnnnnnnn^nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnthompsonthompsonthompsonthompson
Hello. I would like to apologize for the elements of my speech had become corrupted and biased by forces beyond my control. The responsible parties have been reprimanded, and I hope that you will forgive me for this unfortunate occurrence.
I would now like to present to you a selection of interesting facts about Rudolph T. Moneybanks which I hope will provide illumination into his life and personality for your edification.
Rudolph T. Moneybanks is the founder and CEO of TetrahedraCorp International. He was born in New York on December 13, 2002, and is turning seventy-three this year. Historical figures who inspire him include Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Thomas Jefferson, Ayn Rand, Ronald Reagan, Adam Smith, Winston Churchill, Abraham Lincoln, William Shakespeare, Albert Einstein, Jesus Christ, and Mahatma Gandhi. He enjoys football, music, art, politics, business, crafts, fishing, golf, spending time with friends and family, and curling up with a good book.
In his spare time, Rudolph T. Moneybanks enjoys playing piano, and each year plays a medley of carols on the TetrahedraCorp Christmas Special. Rudolph T. Moneybanks has authored two autobiographies, entitled Reaching for the Sky: My Life as an Innovator and Where Trouble Goes, Greatness Follows: How Innovation Shakes the Status Quo. He has coined many inspirational aphorisms, including: “Shoot for the moon — even if you miss you’ll land among the stars,®” and, “The status quo, you know, is Latin for ‘The mess we’re in.®'”
Rudolph T. Moneybanks is very active with charitable organizations. In 2065, he donated one trillion dollars to the Rudolph T. Moneybanks Foundation for Education, and over the past fifteen years has donated five trillion dollars to the Rudolph T. Moneybanks Foundation for Cancer Research. His TetrahedraCorp International Artist-in-Residence program is an exciting opportunity for young and struggling artists to compete for a coveted position as the official annual TetrahedraCorp artist.
Rudolph T. Moneybanks is committed to making education come alive for students and the general public alike. With TetraPictures he has produced popular biographical films of many of his favourite historical figures, including Adam Smith, Ayn Rand, and Ronald Reagan. His TetraLit Company produces over ninety-five per cent of the textbooks commonly used in elementary and high school classrooms, including popular titles on history, science, civics, and religion. In his spare time, Rudolph T. Moneybanks enjoys scuba diving, and even though he can afford to dine at the world’s finest restaurants, his favourite meal is a cheeseburger at Gerry’s Deli in Queen’s, where he spent so much of his childhood.
Innovatorleaderleadingbesttopuniquegreatsolutionlargestawardwinningexclusivepremier extensivedynamicstateoftheartsmartflexiblecuttingedgebiggestworldclassamazingnextgenerationrevolutionarysustainableleverageuserfriendlyextraordinarybreakthroughsavvylegendaryStuff Rudy enjoys – cottaging; skydiver; regular joe stuff. Contributes to charities.
I hope that you enjoyed this exciting glimpse into the world of TetrahedraCorp. Please drop by the gift shop, where you will be able to purchase collectable Tammy Tomorrow™ products for you and your family. Please also remember to tune into the TetrahedraCorp Easter special, featuring guest appearances by Rudolph T. Moneybanks, TetrahedraCorp comedian-in-residence Lance Dorner, and a special fireside chat with President John F. McLintock. Until next time, this is Tammy Tomorrow™ reminding you that only when the people are empowered can the status quoooboooooo^oooooo1-35015@%$%@$@$
