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Activism
While Queen’s Park boasts proximity to the Ontario Legislature, Trinity-Bellwoods Park will become the preferred choice for the tobogganers and boxed-wine aficionados of the #OccupyToronto movement.
Celebrities
2011 was the year of the KardASSian. Expect to see a new ogre-like species absorb the yellow media’s attention in 2012.
Ryan Gosling
Ryan Gosling will graciously turn down the Oscar, saying, “Hey girl, I can’t accept this generous award knowing my fellow thespian deserves it so much more.”
Music
Drake’s popularity will cause critics to herald a “Toronto Rap Renaissance.” Most of the music will suck.
The Internet
Dial-up Internet will make a triumphant return and will replace the high-speed kind we’ve all come to know and love.
Food trends
Fatty pork will lose its supremacy as a Toronto food trend, replaced by Portuguese salted cod.
Cats
Cats will take over for dogs as bearers of the coveted title, “man’s best friend.” Honey badgers will continue to not give a fuck.
Canada
Canada will proudly accept the motto “America’s Hat.” Why? Because hats are awesome and the heads they usually protect are not.
Facebook will unveil its latest redesign, the Time Cube, where the news feed is a centered block of text in 30-point font. It’s unpunctuated, incoherent, and set against a warped grid background.
Porn
Porn stars bearing names that feature unhealthy foods (Sugar, Candy) will be asked to rename themselves after a fruit or vegetable, as part of an overall strategy to improve children’s dietary health.
The Hobbit movie
The Hobbit will be the last good movie ever made. If the Mayans did happen to be right (which they won’t, trust), and the world does end on December 21, The Hobbit’s December 14 release will mean we can all sign off on a happy (cinematic) note.
Hygiene
The makers of the popular Diva Cup will reveal their first offering for men, the Il Divo, to be used for stemming manly nosebleeds.
Sports
Although it’s nowhere near the heart of the continent, North Korea will be the heralded as the champions of the UEFA Euro Cup.
Politics
Those who mistakenly believed it was Lil’ Kim who died instead of Kim Jong-Il will create a posthumous Tumblr in her honour, “Lil’ Kim Looking At Things.”
The Apocalypse
Okay, the Mayans were partially right. The so-called apocalypse will come in the form of a Facebook glitch, whereby all profiles will go public, and information on who’s creeping whom will become available to the masses. That’s pretty fucking bad.
