Along with “What are you going to do after undergrad?” the question “Do you think you’ll ever get married?” is something people in their twenties start to hear. It’s something you don’t need to think about, you say: life goes on with or without marriage. This attitude is consistent with the results of in-depth interviews published in the journal Family Relations, which showed that cohabitating couples between the ages of 18 and 36 are skipping marriage out of fear of divorce backlash. More than two thirds of the 122 participants expressed concerns about divorce as an additional reason for living together without a nuptial agreement.
But is fear the main reason? Not really. The answer lies not only in the grave impacts of divorce but also in the benefits of cohabitation. Another study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family found that psychological well-being, health, and social ties experienced by married versus unmarried couples living together work out to be similar over time. This suggests that there aren’t as many benefits to being married as society would like us to believe. This may not come as a surprise to “successful” cohabitating couples, but the idea that marriage is the final step in validating a loving relationship is celebrated throughout the world and one that many feel pressured into.
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So if you want to avoid divorce, what quality should your relationship have? It might sound like common sense, but the strongest predictor of lower divorce rates and fewer problems in marriage is the level of commitment between the individuals. The deeper the level of commitment, the more likely you are to stay in a long and healthy marriage.
If you do choose to tie the knot and need to undergo a divorce down the line, the impact of divorce on your health may depend on your age. Michigan State University sociologist Hui Liu investigated this problem and found that individuals who got divorced between the ages of 35 and 41 reported more health problems in comparison to people who got divorced in the 44 to 50 age range. The reason for this is that older individuals have had more time to develop coping skills that help them handle the stress of divorce. According to Lui, it is the transition from marriage to divorce, not the label itself, that really weighs people down.
Aside from giving you pointers on the pros and cons of marriage, there’s really only so much that science can do to prevent you from fearing divorce. You might find the right person, you might not; you might get married, you might get divorced. Do your thing this Valentine’s Day and don’t overthink “love.” Be like Summer Finn from 500 Days of Summer and just “know” when you’ve met the right person.
