“Five or ten times a day, I hear little things like, ‘oh she was such a slut,’ ‘well, he’s fat so he can’t get laid,’” says Ola Skudlarska of U of T’s Sexual Education Centre (SEC), “[Sex-positivity is] just breaking things like that down. Stopping it, making a comment… not making a scene, but just say[ing], ‘I am not okay with this. I am supportive of everybody and whatever they want or choose to do consensually.’”
Sex is an important subject in the lives of many university students, but for many, it can be difficult to broach this topic publicly. Conversations about sex are often steeped in judgment, embarrassment, and discomfort.
By contrast, in order to become educated and develop positive attitudes about sex, sexual health, and body image, it is important to be open-minded and informed, and engage in these sometimes awkward conversations. Without the ability to speak about sex, voicing one’s concerns, insecurities, or questions becomes uncomfortable and overwrought.
The “sex-positive” discourse combats the silence surrounding sex, and, more broadly, challenges negative attitudes towards sex and embracing one’s sexuality. According to Dr. Andrew Lesk, who teaches several courses in the Sexual Diversity Studies program, “[Sex-positive] means, for me, moving past the cultural weight of shame that is constantly loaded onto people, that they should be ashamed of their bodies.”
At U of T, stigmas surrounding sex remain, in spite of the young campus population. “Many people, myself included, came to U of T thinking that the university would be a forum for open discussion. While it most often is, you come to swiftly realize that many students aren’t interested in discussions about sex, and it is their right not to be interested. Yet if a discussion concerning sex is germane to a given topic, then people need to bear the burden of their discomfort and work through it. It is this attitude of openness to uncomfortable ideas that needs to be continually promoted, and not just for discussions around sex, and not just at universities,” says Lesk.
The SEC’s mission statement includes a commitment to “foster a sex-positive attitude on campus.” The center’s fun, cheeky events — such as their hand job workshop earlier this year — speak to another meaning of sex positive: not only open, honest, and sensitive attitudes towards sex and individual sexuality, but distinctly positive, supportive attitudes towards the choices of others.
“On a personal level, [sex-positive is] accepting people for who they are and what they like and what they choose to follow. On a societal level, [it’s] criticizing some of the social norms that have been established,” says Skudlarska
The SEC’s sex-positive events encourage students to embrace their sexuality and that of others, and to be unafraid to engage in conversations about sex in safe environments. Education and dialogue are fundamental tenets of sex-positivity. Lesk notes that he hopes to see “nothing but more discussion” in the future of sex education, noting, “everything follows from being able to speak without shame.”
He adds, “by treating sex as a natural part of a given discussion, it is demystified. We have nothing to fear from uncomfortable ideas being talked about in respectful forums.”
