Like many of you who are reading this, I have had the unfortunate experience of having a class, or five, in Convocation Hall. After observing a variety of people ignoring a variety of social courtesies, I’ve compiled a set of ‘maxims’ to be carefully followed when attending a class in this mammoth sized building. Take heed, fellow brethren; descend from Sinai (or, the third tier of Con Hall’s seating arrangement), and disperse these rules amongst yourselves.
1. THOU SHALT NOT SAVE SEATS AT THE FRONT
Most lecture halls are like the TTC: your bag doesn’t deserve a seat. Contrary to popular belief, in a country that values fairness and equality, one person is entitled to one seat in the front of a busy lecture hall. How do I know, you ask? Well, I consulted my book on being a half-decent human being. Would a decent person make people run all the way to the front only to say to them, “sorry, my bag is occupying the seat,” especially if it’s for a friend who won’t show up half the time? I’ve heard the qualms and quips, and it might seem noble to save a seat for a friend who will be coming late, but it’s unfair to the person who showed up before and was deprived of a coveted front row spot.
2. THOU SHALT BE ORDERLY UPON ENTRANCE
Yeah, I get it. Unless you shove your way in as soon as the doors open, you probably won’t get a good seat. Even if you show up early, some entitled twerp will capitalize on your politeness and prevent your from sitting in the five front-row seats reserved by a single pencil each. But don’t fight fire with fire. A stampede killed Mufasa, and none of us want to be responsible for that. Let us all collectively agree to walk in like decent people, and give the look of death to any person who chooses to push. If you see them again in lecture, keep giving them the look. Give them the look when they are walking down St. George after class, and give them the look when you see them eating a hot dog in front of Robarts.
3. THOU SHALT REFER TO COMMANDMENT NUMBER TWO UPON DEPARTURE.
Once again, I get it. You have another class on the other side of campus that you need to get to, or you’re hungry, thirsty, or simply want to go home. But you’re not the only one, and there’s a mass of people trying to make their way out through a few puny doors. Instead of pushing and shoving, be patient, and feel smug about your moral superiority.
4. THOU SHALT HOLD THE DOOR FOR THE PERSON BEHIND YOU
It’s not so fun being smacked in the face by a door. There’s a stream of people flowing through these doors, so take the time to hold the door a second longer, so as not to cry ‘Havoc!’, and let slip the dogs of door.
5. THOU SHALT BE SILENT DURING LECTURE
Friends are nice. I like friends. What I don’t like is when no one else can pay attention because you’re chatting with your friend through the entire two hours of lecture. Your life may be important to you, but we’re not sitting here because we want to hear about it. If you can put down your mirror, oh Narcissus, and give us the chance to hear the lecture, then you will be a decent person. Perhaps you could pay attention, or, dare I say it, take notes instead.
6. THOU SHALT BE IN LECTURE, NOT IN GAME.
This one’s pretty self-explanatory. In Con Hall, there’s no room for League of Legends, Defense of the Ancients 2, World of Warcraft, or even Candy Crush. Robart’s has better WiFi than Con Hall, so play your games there instead.
7. THOU SHALT NOT BE A HEAVY METAL DRUMMER
I struggle with this sometimes. That being said, there are certain sweet spots where, if you bounce your foot, the row beside you can feel it as well. Sometimes, incessant pencil and foot tapping comes at the cost of people despising you.