‘Twas a cold January night, when all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse — well, actually, in a manner of speaking I was. While everyone was away at home, enjoying the wonder that is Four Christmases, I was left all by myself to enjoy the classic –20 degrees Toronto weather. In that loneliness, it never struck me that not being able to fly back home could be a blessing of sorts.
From my teenage years to what can be described as my early 20s, I had tried a myriad of things to arouse myself — soft porn, erotica, sexting, and all that. Although erotica and sexting got me ‘hella thirsty,’ my body was never truly comfortable nor aroused until I stumbled upon this treasure of masturbation.
I was watching a series on Amazon Prime with liberating sexual scenes, where women took charge of the situation, where women enjoyed the process, where women held their own. It gave me an urge that I could not resist. And I reached for it.
I did not orgasm at first, though I was adamant that with a lot of practice I would get there eventually.
The next day I was rewatching Sleeping with Other People and came across the scene where Jake — Jason Sudeikis’s character — teaches Lainey — Alison Brie’s character — to find pleasure in bed using a jar.
I didn’t quite understand what he was saying but that gave me the idea to turn to Google — seriously, how did Millennials survive before Googling? I searched for techniques for masturbation and decided to give it another go. After watching another episode of the Prime series, I started doing what was instructed. Soon I learnt what my clitoris was comfortable with, but the online instruction only served as a perfect beginner’s guide to masturbation.
Although I was able to better access the appropriate erogenous zones, the vigour I was searching for could not be satisfied by my fingers, so I decided to invest in a vibrator. I went to Shopper’s and looked around. There it was — my own purple rain — a Durex portable waterproof vibrator made of silicon, which works like pure magic. Along with it, I bought some Malibu rum and a bath bomb.
My little adventure led me to my bathtub. I put on some soft jazz, dropped in the bath bomb, poured myself a drink, and the rest was history.
That was the day that I helped myself reach ma petite mort. It was exhilarating, freeing, and relaxing all at once. It was something I’d trade a thousand Manolo Blahniks for.
A few months later, my then-boyfriend and I were doing long distance. Since we aren’t expressive of our feelings in the traditional sense, I suggested sexting. The deep and sexual innuendos literally made me weak in the knees and helped our relationship stay afloat.
Try new things, try different things, try anything that scares you a little — because they may be worth it. They may even help you in ways you could never imagine.