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How I learned to forgive the guy who cheated on me

Let’s talk about sex, betrayal, and moving on
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TROY LAWRENCE/THE VARSITY
TROY LAWRENCE/THE VARSITY

Remember that feeling when you first met them? When you started to develop a crush? When you entered a relationship with that person? All you had were butterflies in your stomach, rays of sunshine and rainbows floating everywhere, and a smile so big it was hard to hide.

That feeling when you get cheated on? Well, your smile turns into a frown, and it’s basically impossible to turn that frown upside down. You turn into a complete trainwreck, become a blubbering mess, and eat loads of ice cream.

I’ll admit, that was me: a complete mess.

I cried hard — the type of crying where snotty tears and hiccups were coming out and didn’t stop. I curled up in my bed, and I just wanted to sleep forever, to never think about it again.

At first, I was so hurt. Only later did my feelings of resentment and anger come. How dare he cheat on me? I never thought I would ever get cheated on. But it happened.

I was tempted to get back with him. It crossed my mind a dozen times. Yes, I know: what on earth was I thinking? He cheated on me, and yet a part of me still wanted to go back. I kept wondering if we should try the relationship again — if it would go differently the second time.

I eventually ended up coming to my senses, smacked my forehead a bit, and determined that I can’t go back to someone who cheated on me in the first place. So I moved on and stopped thinking about it.

My first step of moving on was taking a deep breath and trying to control all the anger I was feeling. Well, actually, before that, I took a book and threw it at the wall. However, I kept my mind busy, took some time for myself to reflect, and grew as an individual.

My second step was about forgiving. I learned to let go of my resentment and started to forgive. I thought about why he cheated on me in the first place. It took a while to fully forgive him, and eventually, I did.

We exchanged some conversations here and there, but in time, I stopped talking to him. I just had no interest in continuing to contact him even though I forgave him. Time passed, and now, I don’t think about him.

Moving on when someone cheats on you requires time and a lot of forgiveness — emphasis on a lot. It’s a hard task to do. Someone so close to you ends up completely betraying you. Of course, you’re going to feel angry and throw some books around. But, in order to fully move on, you need to let it go.

When I look back at that fiasco, I realize that I learned a lot from it: how to forgive someone who used to be so close to you, move on from it, and grow as a person. As you grow older, you gain more life experiences, and this is one of them.

I learned to forgive the guy who cheated on me. So, to those readers who have also been cheated on, go out with your friends, maybe throw some stuff around, take it as a life lesson, and just forgive.