To what extent is it justifiable to take justice into one’s own hands? In the last few years, social media and cancel culture have taken the meaning of ‘justice’ to a new level. We’ve seen many public figures have their reputation and career ruined online for doing or saying problematic or politically incorrect things. Private individuals can also be affected by this phenomenon by having their privacy violated and being attacked online.
This is what is happening to “West Elm Caleb,” a man whose face went viral online after a series of TikToks revealed his atrocious dating patterns. Many began shaming Caleb as the videos gained traction — some might even argue that Caleb has become TikTok’s new “Couch Guy.”
Who is “West Elm Caleb?”
On January 11, TikTok user @meemshou posted a video in which she described the unpleasant experience of dating in New York City. She explained that she was being ‘ghosted’ by a boy she met on Hinge whose name was Caleb. The video promptly went viral, and several women commented mentioning similar stories with the so-called “West Elm Caleb.”
Caleb is a furniture designer from the company West Elm, who had been dating and ghosting multiple women at the same time. Stories about him include him sharing the same Spotify playlist with different girls while saying he made it just for each one individually, sending unsolicited nude photos, lying about himself on his Hinge profile, and ‘lovebombing’ — offering his dates an over-the-top manner of affection early on as a way of winning over their affection and gaining control over them.
The John Tucker Must Die moment
After these women connected through @meemshou’s video, some of them began creating a series of videos sharing their stories about West Elm Caleb. Some of these videos contained details from his Hinge profile, screenshots of their conversations, the Spotify playlist, and much more.
But soon, stories of West Elm Caleb reached Twitter, tabloids, and media websites — and so did the series of videos and posts exposing his face, full name, LinkedIn profile, phone number, address, and even his workplace. Caleb deleted all his social media accounts to avoid additional attacks.
Some people began comparing Caleb’s situation to the 2006 movie John Tucker Must Die, in which a group of girls who are being manipulated by the same boy decide to punish and expose him. This plan was formulated as a way of teaching him a lesson and preventing him from doing the same thing to other girls.
While the reason these girls exposed Caleb was mainly to raise awareness and teach him a lesson, we have to remember that John Tucker Must Die was about revenge, and not purely justice.
Justice versus unfair punishment
As Casey Fiesler suggests in her article for NBC News, the original intention of most of these women might not have been to hurt Caleb, but to warn others using dating apps in New York against a man who seemed to be a heartbreaker. On the other hand, the West Elm Caleb case can make us reflect on the dangers of cancel culture.
Throughout history, publicly shaming individuals for their wrongdoings has, in fact, been effective in promoting social change and equality. In cases that involve criminal activity, exposing wrongdoers online might be a valid way of calling for justice — as in the #MeToo movement, for instance.
On the other hand, attacking people might sometimes seem like an unreasonable punishment for their mistakes. Cancelling people can shift from the realms of awareness and justice to the realm of bullying, which may put the cancelled person’s mental and physical well-being at risk. According to psychologist Becky Spelman, online shaming can lead to feelings of isolation, which may escalate to depression and anxiety. Moreover, having personal information like one’s full name, phone number, or address exposed online can present a serious safety risk and lead to a higher chance of being stalked, harassed, or robbed.
The ruined reputation doesn’t only affect the careers of public figures that are cancelled. Private individuals have been fired when their employers were brought into the online conversation by people who sometimes claimed to be warning them about these employees’ actions. In West Elm Caleb’s case, it appears that the recent events didn’t cost him his job, although people have tried to get him fired. But, unlike public figures who are more willing and prepared to go through these kinds of situations, when private individuals suddenly find themselves under the spotlight, they’re unprepared.
West Elm Caleb might have hurt the feelings of several women around New York, but enduring public shaming, having his privacy violated, his safety threatened, and running the risk of losing his job seems to be an exaggerated punishment. Besides, some of this shaming might seem more like a personal vendetta than a fight for justice when its goal shifts from warning other women to humiliating Caleb.
Pursuing justice with one’s own hands is a dangerous way of raising awareness that might quickly get out of hand. After all, we have to remember that behind the #WestElmCaleb that raised millions of views and contributions, there is a human being who is being affected by these jokes.
