In my office at 21 Sussex Avenue, Cornelius Brothers & Sister Rose’s Too Late to Turn Back Now often rings in repeat at 2:00 am on a hushed weekday. 

The day in question was a late night like any other. Midway through the year, I found myself typing and clicking in my edits to an article way past midnight — deprived of sleep, food, and the willpower to snap me out of The Varsity work and back into long overdue schoolwork. Too Late to Turn Back Now was playing lightly in the background in honour of someone preoccupying my mind at the time. 

Then it hit me: I was a woman in love — but with The Varsity.

Mind you, this was no romantic realization. It was a humiliating moment of epiphany to realize that the Cornelius Brothers & Sister Rose were singing about my relationship with this newspaper. I find myself “phoning” Varsity people on Slack at least 10 times a day. This love puts me in misery. And I can’t sleep at night. This feeling just can’t be right. And it’s too late to turn back now. 

With another human, the humiliation ritual of falling in love is fortunately an authenticity receipt of the heart and a trailer to a mutually reciprocative relationship to come. With The Varsity, it’s a slightly different story. 

Many people who were in a long-term relationship with this paper started because they cared. Whether it be the quality of college dining hall food, U of T’s grading system, sexual violence policy, student union concerns, or even pigeons on campus — there’s something catching our nosy eyes that draws us to the newspaper because we ultimately care. 

But when you’re locked in a century-old building every weekend — pouring in hours of writing and editing and poring through the granular details of a meeting minute document — the reason you joined the paper can seem faint. Journalism as an industry is already webbed with traces of overworked, underpaid, and consistently threatened journalists running to and fro. Student journalism simply follows suit. 

This year has particularly been tough for our team. Our second day on the job, even before transitioning into our new positions, started at 4:00 am at King’s College Circle to cover the pro-Palestine student encampment. Our team was essentially on a two-month-long breaking news cycle, and our Slack channels buzzed throughout days and nights. Everyone was catapulted into their new roles, and this was difficult.

No doubt, our team has been an overwhelmingly powerful and passionate one. I could have never asked for a better team, and it’s important to celebrate our work. 

Among The Varsity’s total eight nominations for the Canadian University Press’ John H. McDonald awards for excellence in student journalism, the News team was awarded for their five-day live encampment reporting, and Arts & Culture Editor Divine was awarded for his review of UTM student Treasure Fatile’s exhibition. Creative Director Kaisa and Features Editor Sophie have published two beautiful magazines, and our Equity Board will soon be publishing our first Visuals Equity guide. 

But I’ve also seen how the uniquely challenging year has taken a toll on everyone who diligently clocks into 21 Sussex Avenue every weekend. I know how the tumultuous year has affected me when I realize that the exhaust exhorts me to automatically seek problems to solve, not issues to care about. 

To this moment, I don’t have a resolute conclusion to the dilemma of working in a field that people join because they care, only to be burned out from caring. On particularly long, late nights this year, it often seemed on paper like there was not much reciprocity between us and this thing we love. But it does seem to me like that’s the responsibility and weight of paying attention. 

Especially at a time when there is a menacing sweep on press freedom and university students’ right to free speech in the country south of us, the need to care about what whirls by us every day is essential — even life-saving. It’s never pleasant to care so much and to squint at every detail, but the effort to squint helps us read the line — and between the lines — better. I guess that’s what love is: understanding the weight and pain of it, rather than simply expecting reciprocity. 

Thank you for taking the time to care about The Varsity and what we reported on this year. I hope our love and care for the paper and our community was made clear to you. I’m immensely proud of all that went into creating Volume 145 — the very act which could not have been done without the beloved people who form our paper. 

I want to thank our Management team: to the omniscient Ajeetha for her sharp judgments on the most complicated of matters, to Kyla for her warm encouragements to everyone in the office going through it, to Maeve for her commendable professionalism that balances my corny desire to be ‘chill,’ and to Kaisa for her sublime creative vision — and being the best coworker in a best friend one could ask for. 

Truly nothing can be done without our copy team, and for this, I thank Ozair for his level-headed meticulousness that I could never emulate and Bella for passionately engaging our copy editors. 

Our News team of Selia, James, and Olga was the trifecta of News editors who will never cease to amaze me with their incredible dedication to delivering the U of T community with news when it’s hot. Special thanks to our News bureau chiefs, Urooba, Matthew, and Razia for ensuring our stories were reaching every corner of our campuses and student lives. 

I’m so thankful for Charmaine, Rubin, and Divine respectively for innate sensitivity in editing opinion articles, extensively thorough pieces on labour units and student start-ups, and liberating creative arts pieces — but also for having trust in me from the start as Comment Editor. 

Sophie delicately protected writers’ most personal stories that can only be told through their lenses, and Jake consistently excited even me — a classic sports neophyte — with ways to engage our sports coverage with the average reader. Nicolas and Aksaamai’s jubilant energy and playlists breathed life into anyone who walked into the design office, and Vicky’s illustrations and Zeynep’s photos brought aesthetic heaven to The Varsity. 

Milena and Genevieve both seamlessly boosted our social media and YouTube engagement, and our wonderful Andrew and Emily ensured our news was digitally delivered to you, safe and sound. 

It really does take a village to raise a Varsity child. I’m grateful for my parents who had to deal with my 3:00 am calls from emergency rooms, and I am thankful for Nawa, Caroline, Alice, Artie, and Tahmeed for having my back this year during confusing and difficult times. I also couldn’t have asked for more supportive Board Directors than Paul and Ibnul. 

I’m thankful for Shernise, who first launched my Varsity years as Associate Comment Editor, and for Jadine for being my role model of an Asian woman in leadership that I couldn’t find anywhere else. 

Next year, The Varsity will operate under Medha’s leadership. As Science Editor, Medha has led not only a strong section but a group of editors and writers who care. I cannot be more confident in passing the editing mouse over to someone who cares about the people behind the story as much as the story itself. It takes a lot for someone to care, but it’s only natural for Medha. 

The more you care, the more you’ll squint. The more you squint, the more you see. And the more you see, the more you’ll care. By that point, it’s too late to turn back — welcome to The Varsity. 

This has been way too long of a letter so I’ll sign off anticlimactically. Shout out to Imogen Heap, Linkin Park, Sickmode, Saint Levant, and Lil Wayne for being there for me through this year. 

— Eleanor Yuneun Park

Editor-in-Chief, Volume CXLV