For any U of T students who have been longing for something big, sexy, and made of borosilicate glass, last month, the universe — or Amazon, to be more accurate — delivered.

On January 29, the University of Toronto Students’ Union (UTSU) office received an anonymous package from Amazon. The package contained a clear, seven-inch blue-spiral shafted dildo.

This delivery is one of many similar incidents that have occurred in universities around Canada — the Ryerson Students’ Union (RSU) received two dildos last month — one pastel pink and one mint green. The UTSU also received an anonymous package containing earbuds, a water tester, and iPhone chargers last November.

UTSU President Mathias Memmel expressed his amusement regarding the incident, and disappointment over the dildo’s  quality. I would like to do the same. Ryerson’s LIBO-manufactured dildo doubles as a vibrator with eight vibration frequencies, is USB-rechargeable, and can be remote controlled. The UTSU’s PRISMS Kama dildo is merely a non-porous, hypoallergenic, lubricant-compatible dildo that must be manually heated or cooled to “amplify sex play.”

While I am saddened that the dildos the RSU received both outnumber and outperform the one that the UTSU received, I am also flattered that a third-party would invest time and money to make sure that members of student unions across Canada are sexually satisfied. High quality sex toys are expensive and a strain on the wallets of most university students, whose money is usually divided between food and bills. The cheapest dildo on the website of Stag Shop, a popular Canadian adult entertainment store, costs $16.99. Moreover, while the cheapest traditional vibrator costs $9.99, dual or trial vibrators are thrice the cost at $30 and up, and fleshlights are upwards of $40.

This lack of affordability of sex toys is especially frustrating given that it can be hard to find sexually satisfying relationships while juggling the demands university makes on students’ time and attention. The time and attention of student union members especially is very precious, as it is often divided between their union duties and academic responsibilities.

Thus, even if it is apparently done as a marketing tactic, I am glad that someone is sending student unions all over Canada the things they need, like phone chargers, headphones, water testers, and, yes, sex toys — even if all the sex toys do is provide a chuckle rather than a climax.

Zeahaa Rehman is a third-year student at UTM studying Linguistics and Professional Writing.