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The Varsity

The University of Toronto's
Student Newspaper Since 1880

Love, Lust and Lies

By Jewel Michelle Katz
Published: 9:00 am, 3 December 2001
Modified: 4 pm, 11 January 2012
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UPDATED

Dear Jewel,

I’m thinking of having sex with my boyfriend. However, my religion holds me back from making this move. Some of my friends told me that the feeling from having sex is amazing…I’d really love to try it. What should I do? Also, what should I set up for this? It’d be weird if I just say, “Let’s have sex.”

—Heidi

Dear Heidi,

Religion, media and society seem to hold contradictory views about sex. Although religion promotes many positive ideals, there are also many pitfalls in its treatment of sexual rights and freedoms. Therefore, I understand why your religious affiliations can make you feel guilty about your urges to dig into your animal instincts. Moreover, from your letter, I suspect that your yearning to lose your virginity was sparked by the rave reviews you have heard about sex from friends. I can see why you are so confused with both peer pressure and religion tugging at your skirt.

I spoke to a few young females who were once caught in situations much like yours. A number of the women I interviewed claim that they regret having engaged in pre-marital sex. This is mainly due to the guilt that appeared and refused to heal long after the sexual act was over. The bulk of this particular group also mentioned their desire to have pre-marital sex stemmed out of curiosity rather than love for their partners.

However, other females did not suffer from guilt hangovers after engaging in pre-marital sex.

This is because many of these women evaluated their relationships with their partners and realized that their bond was mature enough to be elevated to the next level.

A small group of women also decided to abstain from sex, and seem to be content with the consequences of their decision. Hence, after careful analysis of their testimonials, it is obvious that sex often comes with a lot of psychological baggage and thus one should be mature enough to carry it.

It is important to cut yourself from the strings presented by religion, the media and peer pressure in making this important decision. Search your soul, and eventually you will discover that the right answer was always there. Meanwhile, if you decide that you are ready to have sex, discuss your desire with your boyfriend. If he feels the same way as you, place his hand on an unexplored body part during your next lip-locking session. You will be surprised at what you can uncover and discover together. Remember to always use protection. Love Jewel

Dear Jewel,

The other night, I had a sexual dream about my brother! I don’t have ANY sexual feelings for him, and feel embarrassed to attend a X-mas reunion. Help…

—Perverted Sister

Dear Perverted Sister,

It is fascinating that so many interesting activities occur in the bedroom. Some events make us shudder with joy, while others leave us baffled. Still, dreams are a part of the bedroom equation and offer their own secret treasures.

The Association for the Study of Dreams says we spend 1/3 of our lives asleep (26 years of a typical lifespan). Sexual dreams can be particularly valuable because they let us explore various sexual avenues in a safe and very private way. Pamela Ball, the author of The Complete Dream Dictionary (Chartwell Books Inc., 2000), claims “incest in dreams is much more likely to be an effort to sort out our feelings about ourselves.”

Furthermore, Ball says if one dreams of sexual activities that one would deem perverted in a conscious state, it usually indicates that one is having problems related to bonding.

Well, girl, it turns out that you are not a pervert at all. Put on a smile, and make it a point to bond with your brother.

Otherwise, you might end up connecting with him in an unconscious state. Sweet dreams.

Love Jewel