Round 1: Presidential Smackdown
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the main event! In the red corner, Republican Senator from Arizona, Mr. Straight Talk himself, John “Maverick” McCain! And, in the blue corner, the junior Senator from Illinois bringing change we can believe in, Barack “The Star” Obama! Hold on to your seats, folks. This could be one heck of a show!
Except that it wasn’t. Both candidates did well—they reiterated their positions, and clarified the differences between their policies and ideologies. But there were no zingers, no confrontations, and no real interactions. PBS journalist Jim Lehrer, the moderator for the evening, practically had to beg the candidates to speak to each other.
The score:
Point to Obama for linking McCain to deregulation and trickle-down economic policies.
Point to Obama for countering McCain’s earmark-and-pork-barrel spiel with his plan to cut taxes for 95 per cent of the population.
Point to McCain for highlighting his own foreign policy experience.
Point to Obama for switching the focus to the war in Afghanistan and the unfinished business there.
Point to McCain for making Obama capitulate on his previous pledge to meet with dictators without preconditions.
Point to McCain for his stamina and energy—and not looking like he was going to die and leave (shudder) Palin with the presidency.
Could anyone have predicted this? After 90 intense minutes there is no clear winner!
Round 2: Vice Presidential Sudden Death
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome! Tonight, the number-twos go head to head. In the red corner, armed with a hockey stick in one hand and lipstick in the other, Alaska’s very own pageant queen, Governor Sarah “Pitbull” Palin! And in the blue corner, the scrappy senator from Scranton, “Average Joe” Biden! Place your bets now, people. This could be the last time you see such an uneven match-up!
It was hard to look at Palin without thinking about SNL’s Tina Fey. But alas—Palin (seemed) to have her act together, and didn’t leave Fey with (many) “Silly Sarah” moments to spoof. Still, the match was won before it started. All Biden had to do to succeed was avoid a memorable gaffe.
The score:
Point to Biden for being an excellent surrogate for Obama, and accurately outlining the ticket’s policies and positions.
Point to Palin for being “Maverick” McCain’s biggest fan.
Point to Biden for answering the questions that were asked.
Point away from Palin for going off on random tangents when she didn’t like and/or understand the question.
Point away from Palin for answering “I’ve only been at this for five weeks” when asked what campaign promises she’d have to break in light of the bailout plan.
Point away from Palin for attributing climate change to the cyclical temperature changes of the planet.
Point to Palin for correcting Biden: “The chant is ‘Drill, baby drill!’” (as opposed to “Drill, drill, drill”).
Point to Biden for being a foreign policy expert and countering Palin on every count. (Surprise, surprise.)
Point to Palin for just being so adorable!
What’s this? The judges have reached an agreement: “Pitbull” Palin is awarded a honourary win for NOT making a fool of herself! “Average Joe” may have shined out there, but not failing counts too.
