Recently, I’ve noticed something that might offend some readers. And those who aren’t offended will deny my charges nonetheless. But trust me: it was as hard for me to come to this realization as it will be for you. Canadians and Americans are the same. I’m not talking about politics—Lord knows, the Canadian government will copy anything the European Union does—I’m talking about personality type.
This conclusion has left me feeling duped and confused. You see, I lived in Toronto until I was nine years old. Then we picked up and headed to Columbus, Ohio. I lived my childhood in the suburbs, as do most Americans. The thing was, I never saw myself as an American. No, I was that one Canadian, always reminding Americans that their culture sucks. I had romantic views of what life in Canada would have been like had I stuck around: hockey until my laces ripped, skiing down steep couloirs with friends before grabbing a few beers, camping, friendly people, etcetera. And then I came back for university.
What happened to all the Roots clothing? It’s been replaced by Old Navy, American Eagle and Abercrombie & Fitch. Granted, even Roots isn’t Canadian since the Olympics. And where did all the friendly people go? It seems they all left, along with Canada’s personality. In the South I know I won’t get a “Thank you” for holding a door open for someone, but here in the “friendly North,” people walk through without even looking up. Eye contact! Is that so much to ask for? And why do I know I’ll have a ticket on my car if I leave it for six seconds? The police used to be cool(er), if I remember correctly. They used to ease off the small stuff. Now, sitting in a park with a few friends always warrants the appearance of a cruiser. But above all that, where the fuck did winter go? How come Blue Mountain doesn’t open until late November, at best? Why is Mt. Tremblant never fully open? Do snow days exist anymore?
While the winters may be globally warmed, is there a way for Canadians to stop being globalized like every other culture? Canadians think they are different from Americans because with a flag on their backpacks, they think Europeans are fond of them. Europeans used to like Canadians because they were Canadians. Now, folks across the ocean prefer Canadians because, according to their passports, they aren’t American. Soon enough, however, even the neutral Scandinavian countries will see there is no difference between the two.
I’m not so superficial as to say that Canada’s personality is found mainly in its winters; I guess hockey is pretty big too. But that’s a touchy subject, considering the NHL will be Canada-free by the time our kids are looking for someone to root for. How sad will it be when our kids have to cheer for the Nashville Predators or some other shitty expansion team?
A flag does not define a culture; it represents a nation. The red maple leaf everyone holds so dear to their hearts here is losing its leverage and uniqueness on the global scene because it no longer represents unique qualities. Canada is going through the same identity crisis I went through when I was fourteen. I hope that when this country emerges from this confusion, it will be reborn as the Canada that everyone loves.
