I thought that vampires were supposed to be cool. Werewolves not so much, but definitely vampires. You know, the way they can morph into things, seduce people, and then bite them. That’s the essence of vampire chic that’s lasted from Nosferatu to Blade, right?
The makers of Underworld seem to have forgotten this, in their attempts to put a Matrix-y spin on the vampire myth, and it becomes clear very early on that these vampires are really just guys with guns who shoot at werewolves. What happened to the fact that you can’t see their reflections? How is it possible that you can lock one of them in a room without them turning into mist and escaping through the cracks of the window? And how is it that within the first three minutes of the film, you already know that Kate Beckinsale (Much Ado About Nothing, Serendipity) is a bad choice as “death dealer” Selene, because she looks downright terrified of being shot?
It’s not Beckinsale’s fault that she’s miscast-she certainly looks the part, but can’t compete in the post-Matrix action world. She just doesn’t have the physical presence of someone like Carrie-Anne Moss, and would probably get slapped silly by any one of Charlie’s Angels. As for the other players, Scott Speedman (Felicity) does an okay job until he turns blue (don’t ask).
Blame director Len Wiseman. In his attempt to bring a fairly original idea to life, he throws away everything that’s made vampire movies (and werewolf movies, for that matter) great, and ends up with a movie that seems more like a heavy-handed ’80s Schwarzenegger film (it’s like watching Raw Deal with vampires) than anything from the present day.
Say what you will about action films today, they’ve achieved a sophistication of style that audiences have come to expect, and Underworld is sorely lacking in that department. The beauty of a film like X2, or The Matrix is that they conceptualize what epic battles between superhuman characters could look like. Instead of bringing anything truly original to the screen, Wiseman simply rips off entire sequences from other action films (a T2 car chase here, a Jurassic Park 2 glass-cracking scene there) and strings them together.
It would have been preferable to review the theatrical trailer for this film-at least it offered up the few thrills Underworld does have, and more importantly, made it seem cool.
