Michael Ignatieff may be the one to beat in the Liberal leadership race. But he is far from being a shoo-in.

Bob Rae is poised to chip away further at the gap between Iggy and himself. Third- and fourth-place candidates Gerard Kennedy and Stéphane Dion are also riding strong waves of support, and cannot be discounted (see The dawn of Dion on page 4 for why Dion is the Libs’ best hope in Quebec).

So, since Iggy’s a bosom buddy of ours-he once deigned to use U of T as his vocational beard while secretly planning his flamboyant exit from the political closet, after all, and what an educational handful of months it was!-we decided to give him some pointers on how to lock down his ascendancy to the position of Big Red Cheese.

1) Avoid the (albeit natural) assumption that the Middle East makes for convenient, uncomplicated talking points.

2) ‘Every Canadian Matters’ should not mean ‘Every Tie is the Same.’ Please ditch the combo of black jacket, white shirt, and very weirdly patterned red tie for at least a week–please. Even Bobby Rae, with his Warholesque shock of hair, seems nicer to the eye than you lately.

3) Carry around red mood lights and install them wherever you give a speech. It’ll help with that Liberal-red glow (see cover). (So will a shot of Canadian Club.)

4) Talking like a politician is a far, far harder thing than dropping sexy, caddishly self-contradictory statements in a Harvard classroom. In academia, your indecision is ‘polyvalent’; in politics, you’re ‘flip-flopping.’ Be more calculating. (Of course, lord knows that having two opposing points of view in this country (even on war crimes) is somewhat preferable to having none at all.)

5) If you win the leadership, consider talking a lot more about your wife, Zsuzsanna Zsohar, as the federal election approaches (or just saying her name a lot). Her name is a perfect mnemonic cocktail for voter mindfulness, and it’s also zsoooo zsnazzy as a faddish name for 2007 babies.

6) You’ve already done a sight better than Mel Gibson: you’ve pledged to take a symbolic trip to Israel to atone for your “Qana equals war crime” gaffe. But don’t stop there. You’re known for evaluating countries like Iran based on visits to their tourist areas only. What better way to evaluate the massacre sites yourself than to leave your handlers behind, to venture outside the bounds of your pre-planned route? Make the most of it: the slums and rubble of war are your friends.

7) Visit Palestinian president Mahmoud Abbas while you’re making the rounds of Israeli leaders.

Michael, you (and competitor Rae) are Varsity alumni, and we look after our own. Do these things, and Iggy won’t have to be a Stooge.