It’s Valentine’s Day, and love is in the air. But this year, the most commonly whispered word on smitten lips is “bromance,” a portmanteau that defines the love shared between straight men everywhere.
But bromance is not a gay thing (not that there’s anything wrong with that), it’s just the latest development in the world of masculine psychology.
The widespread adoption of the term bromance is a major advancement in the ways men are allowed to behave socially without fear of reprisal. Put simply, it’s about the right to express a meaningful, platonic bond between two male friends, a type of male liberation.
Too long have men been saddled with the challenge of living up to the hyper-macho standard set by 20th-century heroes like Ernest Hemingway and John Wayne. These were larger-than-life personalities who embodied the male ideal: stoic, solitary, emotionless.
They defined the type of hard-drinking bull-fighter that gave birth to countless redundant phrases like “manly man” and “guy’s guy.” Hemingway wrote volumes about his youthful, carefree days with friends in Paris, but it’s hard to imagine him grabbing F. Scott Fitzgerald in a bear hug and crying out, “Scottie, you’re my bro, and I love you!”
In recent times, new masculine idols have emerged, like the original metrosexual himself, David Beckham. But back when Becks was the brightest star of the metro movement about four or five years ago, the most men were allowed to do was moisturize and exfoliate. It seemed liberating at the time, but in hindsight, metrosexuality was a mere aesthetic movement designed to improve grooming patterns. A whirlwind bromance comprises far more complex emotional terrain.
That’s why a bromance is a significant alteration to social norms, because it’s an indication that machismo is on its way out the door. Consequently, it’s become permissible for men to embody what was once a cardinal feminine virtue: being in touch with one’s emotions.
Nowadays, it’s acceptable for guys to love their friends just as women do, with similar levels of expression and trust. Before bromance, the best term we had for this kind of relationship was a “man-crush,” which always seemed to imply a hidden insecurity, as if dudes who enjoyed each other’s company had to feel as sheepish about it as a 13-year-old girl fawning over the captain of the football team.
The earliest recorded usage of the term bromance was in the late 1990s, when Dave Carnie of skateboard magazine Big Brother used it to describe the close relationship between skaters who practiced together, partied together, and shared rooms when travelling.
Since then, it’s been used to describe countless friendships between grown men. In 2007, Canadian indie rockers Joel Plaskett and Peter Elkas were profiled together on the cover of Exclaim with the tagline “A Fine Bromance.” (For further evidence, check out the YouTube video where they sit down for a heart-to-heart to “examine their relationship.”)
Other famous bromances include the almost co-dependent bond between Matt Damon and Ben Affleck, or the four main characters on HBO’s Entourage, who are quite obviously involved in a tightly-knit four-way of bromosexuality.
But the television show to thrust the concept to the fore of pop culture is Brody Jenner’s recent six-episode reality series in which the former Hills love interest lined up a group of suitors eager to score the most precious commodity of all: friendship (a luxury condo was also part of the winning package…but nothing could be as valuable as friendship, right?)
As Jenner induldged his candidates in a variety of amusing pursuits (schmoozing with supermodels, trying on new jeans, hanging out in a hot tub), it became clear that Bromance had been given the perfect tagline: “Brody needs a bro-friend.” Don’t we all?
It’s hardly intellectual fare, but a deeper look reveals the show to be an earnest search for a new best friend and close confidant. After all, Brody lost his best bud Spencer Pratt forever once he shacked up with the talentless demon goddess Heidi Montag. Spencer is now married, taking him out of commission for all bachelor-related activities, thereby making him extremely lame.
After a rigorous selection process, Jenner chose Luke Verge to be his new best friend. His declaration that he’d found his bromance was an oddly touching moment, as if anything was possible for two straight men in their early 20s who love each other and aren’t afraid to admit it.
The concept of bromance has led me to consider the ways I value my own best friends. I’ve since determined that ours is not an overly complicated relationship. We hang out as often as we can, drink pints, and discuss life’s most pressing issues: sports, girl problems, and insurance payments on cars we’ve yet to buy.
At our parties, it’s as perfectly natural for the guys to hug hello and goodbye as it is for the girls. The phrase “I love you!” gets kicked around as frequently as “More beer!” I used to think our abundance of emotion could be chalked up to a European spirit, but now I know better—it’s just one harmonious bromance, and it’s a blessing.
I know exactly what Jenner is going through. At this point in my life, friends matter most, and I’m not ashamed to say that I love them. I’d still prefer to spend Valentine’s Day with a girl, but that’s another matter entirely. ❤
