Hype Energy
Hype looks like a carbonated rosé or some variety of cherry soda. It’s sickeningly sweet, fruity taste reminds us of a plain, generic juice. It may be a relatively healthy beverage, but that’s not always what you want from this type of drink. To be honest, it’s just kind of boring. Do yourself a favour and don’t believe the hype.
Red Bull
Red Bull is everyone’s first energy drink. If you haven’t had one before, consider yourself a total energy drink virgin. The taste is indescribable to the uninitiated. You’ll be repulsed by it at first, but power through the first one and you’ll eventually learn to love it. Like the liquid courage you gain from taking a swig from the whiskey bottle before a date (or is that just me?), Red Bull instantly gives you the liquid motivation you need to conquer any essay. Just remember: it’s no miracle worker. Make sure you don’t get distracted and squander your Red Bull buzz on Facebook.
Rockstar
The eternal second fiddle to the energy drink juggernaut that is Red Bull. Though it comes in a wide variety of flavours, Rockstar somehow comes off as less versatile than its big brother. Where Red Bull is known for its 250 mL can, Rockstar is famous for its larger size. The problem is that after 500 mL of this stuff, you’ll be lying on a couch clutching your stomach or running laps around Robarts, trying desperately to work off the excess energy. It’s not ideal for essay writing or all-day cramming. Instead, this pairs well with a night of binge drinking.
Guru
Vegans beware: this thing tastes like crap. Though it’s marketed as a “100% USDA approved natural beverage,” that does nothing to make it worth your $3. The aftertaste is especially painful and makes Guru an all-around disappointment. If there is such a thing as energy drink nirvana, you certainly won’t be finding it with Guru.
Amp Alert
Its bright, neon orange colour made Alert look as though it should glow in the dark (it didn’t, we turned off the light). Unfortunately, the colour is a tease — never had we sipped on such a bland energy beverage. It’s as if the drink was having no effect whatsoever.
Nitrous Monster
This thing looks freaking radioactive. Bonus points awarded for the resealable can — very nifty. To be honest, we’re kind of afraid of drinking this. Red Bull’s got nothing on this beverage: double the taurine, and triple the amount of caffeine in as many mLs. It’s basically a heart attack in a can and recommended only for the experienced energy drink connoisseur.
