“I smoked a blunt for dinner, another blunt for breakfast,” boasts Taulheed Epps, a hip-hop artist better known as 2 Chainz on his new album, B.O.A.T.S. II #METIME. While 2 Chainz implies that this breakfast is a satisfactory meal for him, it’s clear that he is too much of a foodie not to pair his blunts with some high quality seafood.
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The album is accompanied by a cookbook entitled #MEALTIME. Besides gold chains and hashtags, 2 Chainz has a penchant for kale and heirloom tomatoes. The recipes were created in collaboration with Chef Aleem, an upcoming celebrity cook from Atlanta who went on tour with 2 Chainz.
I decided to have some #METIME myself and try out the recipes, mostly because I was feeling #hungry.
The cookbook opens with an advisory introduction: “2 Chainz doesn’t write down his music, it flows naturally from his mind. Follow 2 Chainz and feel free to freestyle your cooking… Remember: embrace mistakes, and always cook within your comfort zone. #TRU.”
I began by making sautéed asparagus. The instructions begin with putting on “an Adidas sweatsuit, Chainz N Thangs.” I don’t own these things, but I did my best with what I had: Roots sweatpants and some gold necklaces. Then I played the mandated track, “Mainstream Ratchet.”
The recipe is relatively simple and takes about two and a half rounds of “Mainstream Ratchet” to cook. The last instruction is to “vibe out” to the song. I contemplate the lyric: “I’m real, you ain’t, calamari, crab cakes,” which seems to suggest that calamari is more authentic than crab, yet 2 Chainz has a recipe for crab cakes in his cookbook. Assuming he’s referring to artificial crab, I digress to the “Me Time” sauce.
The sauce is tricky, because it requires you to go to the mall and spend “a handful of racks” on a new outfit for the night, get a manicure and pedicure, and spend some “me time” at home catching up on seasons of The Wire. The sauce itself is quite simple, and feels personal, as 2 Chainz is revealing his favourite recipe, which he suggests pairing it with almost all of the others. It’s delicious, even without a full commitment to its instructions. I assume that when Chainz suggested getting a new outfit for the night, he was not talking about a sweater from The Gap, but that’s what I bought for my “me time” meal. I didn’t get a manicure or pedicure, but I did make my roommate paint my nails while we watched clips from The Wire on YouTube.
The recipe for mashed potatoes begins with the reasonable advice to remove your four-finger ring, if wearing one, and set it aside before beginning — I was not (but normally would be, of course). This recipe is a bit more time-consuming, but smells amazing all the way through, and is broken up in the middle by the instruction:“…play “Feds Watching” and celebrate the good times you had this year,” before adding the sour cream and parsley to the potatoes. You’re supposed to serve the mashed potatoes in a gold bowl, which I did not have. “Feds Watching” continued my speculation of 2 Chainz’ abhorrence for imitation crab meat with the line: “I’m raw, talking California rolls,” since raw seems to refer to genuine crab meat rather than the fake stuff.
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For the mixed seafood kebabs, you are meant to invite your friends over for a cook out, telling them that “2 Chainz is firing up the grill.” That would, however, be a lie — and I cannot afford to feed all my friends seafood, so I ignored this rule. The recipe itself is really good — like the other recipes, it is surprisingly simple, flavorful, and healthy, and pairs quite well with a nice helping of “Me Time” sauce.
The food is actually really good and the album is consistent with the promised theme of “me time.” A highlight is the end of “I Do It” featuring Drake and Lil Wayne, a gospel celebration of taking time to yourself. 2 Chainz is preaching to do so by making some delectable eats. Surprisingly, I was genuinely inspired by the 2 Chainz cooking experience.
At the end of the meal, I get to cleaning the kitchen to the sounds of “Fork.” In the wise words of 2 Chainz: “I’m ballin like Mr. Clean, I gotta keep my kitchen clean.”
