Eleven pm strikes on the digital clock by the dim lamp lighting the room — we’re each six, maybe seven beers deep, all out of booze, and no one knows where they want to go to get more. Somewhere that’s not the residence party or pub night that the token first-year told us about and not the chain-brand bar that’s only frequented because you or your friends don’t know where else to go — please, not again.
If you’re familiar with this situation — maybe because all your friends are in the same bind, you hang out with the same people out of habit and haven’t found the right social niche, or you just don’t know where to find the spots that would highlight your relatively eccentric character traits that are not appreciated elsewhere — this article is dedicated to you. This is a guide to some of the city’s dives, based on personal experience, that offer cheep beer, cool music, and a place to fit in with your skateboard in hand.
751
751 Queen Street West
Named for its address on Queen Street West, 751 has two floors, two bars, and, on a good night, is harder to walk through than the club you told yourself you’d never go to again.
The first time I heard of this place was in a text from a friend: “I’m at this bar called 751 on Queen. I don’t know how you haven’t been here yet. There’s a skate[board] contest down the stairs in the front and they’re blasting Slayer.” When I started settling into the Toronto skate scene, 751 became a staple. Not that thrash metal is the music of choice in this establishment as the above message suggests — DJs often play hard rap, and sometimes techno, in the downstairs area that features a relatively freer space than the above floor, intended for an activity that, at least, resembles dancing.
The drawback of 751 is its shape, moulded into a narrow hallway by the surrounding tables and bar, making it almost always impossible to navigate through without pushing and shoving. Much of your time will be spent trying to get from one spot to another, and unless you’re seated, most of your conversations will be a simple exchange of greetings — but if you’re already drunk off the cheap beer, then who cares? There’s a patio out back, anyway, if you need a breath of smoke-filled air.
Sneaky Dee’s
431 College Street
Located on the south-east corner of Bathurst and College, most U of T students are familiar with this relatively mainstream bar, but it remains a solid joint worth visiting. Like 751, Sneaky Dee’s has two floors, though its dance area is upstairs, and aggravatingly requires a $5–10 cover, while the bottom level is basically a 19-plus restaurant.
If you’re stingy and hate paying cover like it’s a backwards pagan ritual, the restaurant is still a persuasive enough reason to go here because, as my good Texan friend once told me, Sneaky Dee’s nachos are better than her home state’s or Mexico’s. Hit this place up for late night drunk food and load up on tortilla chips and a mountain of guacamole, salsa, ground beef, sour cream, and cheese.
The dance floor upstairs, for its frustrating fee, can be a good time. It’s divided by theme nights during the week, with punk rock on Tuesdays, hip-hop on Wednesdays, and swing on Saturdays (which often means The Beatles). If you’re relying on a fake ID, stay away. The bouncers have a watchful eye.
Ted’s Collision
573 College Street
Located in Little Italy, Ted’s and 751 seem to be the downtown Toronto skate scene’s adopted drinking spots. An even more convincing attraction is that Ted’s Collision serves 40’s of Labatt 50 for $8, approximately matching liquor store prices. While you’re chugging that big bottle, there’s also a pool table at the back with an ever-present bustling crowd of potential opponents that could easily distract anyone from actually sitting down for a decent chat, so you’ll always meet some new people.
The bartenders are incredibly friendly and receptive to music requests if you like to play DJ after getting tipsy, though the range of music inclines to fuzzy guitars. Hearing an album that you never thought you’d never encounter in public is one of the most endearing things about visiting this bar, though you’d have to appreciate doom/thrash metal and aggressive-leaning “alt” rock.
Catering to the tastes of headbangers, there’s no real dancing at Ted’s Collision. You could always try, but those who get knocked over might not be as jovial as the footloose denizen that just inadvertently struck them down. There are lots of candlelit tables to congregate around, adding to the dim charm of the dive bar that makes you feel at home. And, perhaps most importantly, they have a Spiderman pinball machine.
Parts and Labour
1566 Queen Street West
More on the higher end, Parts and Labour is included on this list mainly for diversity. Located in Parkdale, it’s a bit of a trek from U of T campus, but it’s worth it for the experience. It has more glamorous décor than the previously discussed bars, built in 2010 in what was previously a hardware store and complete with rows of communal dining tables that invite drunken recitations of fond memories past and pleas for phone numbers. Their burgers are well-known in the city, as are their specialty cocktails.
For $10, you can creep down to the comforts of the basement dance floor, The Shop — a big, dark room designed to look strategically dirty and thrown together. The Shop feels much more like a dive than the upstairs, with intrusive ventilation, foosball hockey, live music, and DJs.
This extension of P&L is making its name as a music venue in the city, attracting cool, young local and Canadian artists with its casual set-up — there’s no stage and just a small carpet on the concrete floor for the bands to play on. Patrons get right up close to the band — sometimes tossing them a beer from the long bar lining the wall — or stand back in the nearby bleachers to drink at a distance or get frisky with a new friend.
10 ways to know you’re in a dive
1. You’ve lost something that will seem much more important tomorrow morning than when you left it in the booth or cab or whatever.
2. Your change is still in your pocket for the bus home because you “forgot” to tip.
3. You don’t have to go on repeated trips to the ATM because all the beers you drank were under five bucks.
4. You reek of cigarettes even if you don’t smoke.
5. The bathroom stalls tend to have more than one occupant, standing up, with many sniffing noises.
6. Last call was two hours ago, but no one’s gone.
7. You haven’t heard any of the music that’s playing before.
8. Your friend is the DJ — but not in a cool way.
9. Ample patrons are clutching skateboards.
10. You don’t remember all that much, anyway.
