Conservative MP Maurice Vellacott has recently proposed Bill C-560, a bill to amend the Divorce Act, which currently favours mothers in custody disputes in Canada. The bill argues for shared parenting between divorced parents, except in cases of proven abuse or neglect.
Social work professor Edward Kruk, a supporter of the bill, spoke at the University of Toronto in March at an event hosted by the Canadian Association for Equality. In his lecture, Kruk discussed his research on the negative psychological and financial effects of single parenting on children, including the frustration felt by divorced fathers who are unable to see their children, the politics of divorce law, and the desire of both mothers and fathers to parent their child. I feel that this bill is a step forward in adapting to today’s societal climate. Living in the heart of the Jane and Finch neighbourhood, my parents separated when I was around four years old. My siblings and I were raised in poverty by a single-mother. Almost 17 years have passed since their split and, in hindsight, I strongly wish they never did. I was too young to appreciate the destructiveness of this event. I had no say in the separation process, and no choice in who I was to live with.
Our income has been split in half since the separation. For the past three decades, my mother has worked full-time, earning little, and has put all three of her children through university with the help of OSAP — an exhaustive endeavour a single-parent should never have to endure, given all the debt we incurred. Finances were always, and continue to be, an issue. In public school, kids would sometimes tease me for wearing the same clothes every day. I never got the chance to travel abroad, even to visit my ancestors’ country of origin, Vietnam. My mother often had to resort to using our tuition savings to pay off debts. We frequently worried about being forced to sell our home. Our family regularly fell into angry disputes revolving around our financial issues. In my teenage years, I flirted with the idea of turning to crime to make money, but fortunately did not resort to that. I believe it is fair to say that our lack of money from the separation is one of two reasons our family was nearly destroyed.
The other reason was the tension between my parents and the resulting minimal contact I had with my father. Though no legal barriers prevented me from seeing him, my mother spoke poorly of him. I felt insecure about not having a father around, and believed he didn’t care about me. My childhood was full of disappointment. Though we have open lines of communication today, our relationship has not been easy, and we will probably never become intimate friends.
For years, I was angry with him for not being there during my troubled childhood. He never taught me how to groom, exercise, be a good citizen, or how to handle conflict, work hard, and earn respect from others. Contrary to the stereotype of neglectful fathers, I recall many instances where my father tried to reach out to me. On my rare visits to him, he always made sure I was fed, properly clothed, avoided gangs and drugs, stayed focused in school, and that I was headed in the right direction.
When I joined the Canadian Forces as a reservist, I learned a lot about teamwork — you may have to accept partnering up with people you don’t get along with, and you have to work together to solve problems and achieve goals. Cooperative partnerships save lives and accomplish great things. Cooperative parents, where possible, save children and nurture them to be healthy and happy adults.
I recognize that there are bad fathers out there who are abusive and neglectful, and deserve to be removed from their families. But what I heard at Kruk’s lecture demonstrated the opposite. The men who supported Bill C-560, and gender equality in general, consisted of socially conscious husbands, as well as concerned and frustrated fathers. They struck me as kind, caring, and supportive men and fathers. They were the kind of fathers I would have been proud to have.
This bill is a step in the right direction and would help children and youth receive the care of both parents, which is something they truly deserve.
David Nguyen is studying political science and biological anthropology at U of T.
