For many of us, coming to the University of Toronto was a shock. In the ultra-competitive environment that surrounds students on campus, life often feels like a race for the highest marks, the most successful work experiences, and a thriving social life all at once — a feat that is impossible for most students to accomplish.
As students, there is a constant need to be better and to do more, which often creates a collective cycle of stress and sleep deprivation. While it may be easy to blame these difficulties on U of T’s highly competitive culture and institutional drive, the problems cannot be attributed to the university or to student life alone.
“I do think the culture [of perfectionism] is strong here,” says peace, conflict and justice and global health student, Julie Zhang, adding, “People feel they need a really awesome balance of extra-curriculars and amazing marks. It’s driven by this need to succeed in the future.”
Zhang points out how the standards for getting a job after graduating have risen. Students need to put themselves one step ahead in order to be competitive in the job market. This cutthroat atmosphere is enhanced due to the prevalence of social media, which highlights successes and thereby can decrease our own feelings of self-worth.
“When we observe others around us, it’s easy to see their lives as being a lot easier and more perfect,” says Zhang, “I’ve definitely seen people who, to me, are perfect all the time — that they’re quite competent at achieving all these goals without feeling the stress and exhaustion that I feel. But I know friends whom people think are accomplished and great at what they do, and a lot of them tell me that they don’t actually feel like they’re doing the right thing.”
Even for those who did think they could have it all, being successful at U of T proved to be far more demanding than expected.
“When I was in high school, I was nominated for Senior Athlete of the Year, I was the student council president, I had a very good average and lots of great friends,” says Sam*, a second–year Trinity College student, “I felt like I had a really good handle on life and felt that I was a mature young person who had had many rewarding life experiences. Coming to U of T has really challenged those views I held about myself.”
“I started doubting myself. I wondered if I really wasn’t good enough to accomplish my ambitions. I looked around and saw so many others who seemed to have it all. They had lots of friends, research opportunities, good grades, and elected positions. Whenever I looked at them all I felt was like I was falling behind these people and that I wasn’t as good as them. It was disheartening,” he added.
However, both students recognize that this pressure to be successful at everything is not explicitly the university’s fault.
“I think the structure of university, and specifically U of T, is a factor, but I don’t think we can blame it on that alone,” says Zhang, “It comes a lot from what our society is like… I think I should prioritize my happiness more, and my health, such as sleep and going to the gym. But what I do end up prioritizing is still my academics and my grades, and not just any extra-curriculars, but the ones that I think will lead me somewhere. I wish I could focus more on my personal health and happiness, but I still end up focusing on the stuff that most students end up focusing on.”
Krista Steeves, Associate Dean of Students at Victoria College, acknowledges the difficulties that students face by feeling pressured to have it all, and agrees that it is not U of T specifically that creates these unrealistic expectations.
“I would be lying if I didn’t tell you I, too, struggle to take advantage of all the opportunities,” she says. “I think it is challenging to be a student, but part of learning is [recognizing] what is really important to you and what you need to prioritize and make time for. That skill is something that students develop and carry with them throughout their entire lives. It will probably be one of the most practical skills you will ever use.”
Sam agrees, but attributes part of the problem to the structure of the university itself.
“I certainly find that there is a culture of perfectionism and I completely buy into it for better or worse,” he says. “While I do not feel that U of T is explicitly doing anything to create this culture, I do believe that, implicitly, they bear some responsibility. They accept too many people and have no intention of graduating everyone who enrolls. This means that classes are very challenging and that only the exceptionally talented succeed. [Also], many of the people who attend are commuters, which makes creating a vibrant social environment more difficult,” he says.
Though there is an immense amount of pressure applied to all students to be well-rounded and perfect, we will inevitably have to sacrifice as we move forward. It’s important to recognize that there will always be a desire to have it all at every point in life, and that this is always going to be an impossible feat.
“I’ve found that it is possible to have everything to a degree,” says Théo Van Vugt, a second–year architecture student. “However, there simply is not enough time in every day to have perfection in all of them. You have to let go. That’s not U of T’s fault, that’s life.”
Learning how to judge what really matters is an acquired skill — one many find challenging to master.
As Steeves so accurately puts it: “Someone once said to me, ‘you can have it all; you just can’t have it all at once.’ You do have to pick times you can be engaged. I do think this generation has really high expectations of themselves. Sometimes, they’re not very nice to themselves… Realize that not every course is going to be the best fit, not every activity is going to be the best fit, and the process of learning is evaluating that for yourself and readjusting.”
*Name changed at student’s request
Linh Nguyen is a second-year student at Victoria College studying Literature and Critical Theory.
