The difficult question of what to wear has become harder to answer these days. Now that we rarely leave our homes — other than for contemplative jogs, groceries, and trips to the LCBO — outfit choices are much more crucial. Below are some outfit recommendations for every situation under your roof and beyond.
Going out
To mask or not to mask? Our economy has slowed down, and stores have closed, but bills stop for no one. With the inevitable recession, it is more important than ever to marry rich and ride those cushy, tax-evading waves for the rest of your life.
What if you meet the wealth of your life at Metro as you are standing two metres away, waiting for them to pick their apples so that you can grab some? If you mask, they won’t be able to see half of your beautiful face as they look up and apologize for making you wait. But if you don’t, will they think you’re socially irresponsible? The possibilities are endless but also limited to your weekly state-regulated grocery runs.
It’s best to wear a mask so that you don’t spread germs to those around you. But wait, how will you ever look fly with a mask on? Do you see that blue? Who chose that colour? Have no fear, I am here!
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- The Matching
The mask is blue, so wear blue! If you want to take the monochrome look all the way, then wearing a lot of blue is an option.
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- The Blind Eye
Just pick a cute outfit, and put on your mask. Who cares if the blue clashes with everything? Plus, if you wear highly flattering but uncomfortable clothes, you’ll be too busy awkwardly adjusting them to even have an urge to touch your face.
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- The Statement
Your mask is your statement piece. If you’re anything like me, your closet mostly consists of black, so just embrace it! Let your mask provide a pop of colour.
At home
To quote something I recently tweeted, “I’ve come to the realization that I need to shove my body into jeans to be productive.” As such, I’ve crafted some outfits for when you’re feeling productive, lazy, or anything in between while at home!
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- The Busybody
This outfit is for anyone who gets up before noon, has a checklist of things to complete — that they actually do — and understands that being inside is not an excuse to do nothing for two months straight.
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- The Pep Talk
If you work better when you’re comfortable but also have to look put-together enough to convince yourself of such, then this outfit is for you!
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- The Thrown Towel
If you just don’t care anymore and can’t be bothered to throw on clean clothes unless you’ll be seeing people in real life where they’ll be able to smell you, then — like me — this is your go-to!
Professional Zoom calls
Speaking of the broken economy, what about that job you’re trying to land? Interviews are nerve-wracking, but Zoom interviews are somehow even worse. Good thing I’m here, eh?
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- The Blazer
Throw on your blazer, put on a nice shirt, and clean up a little. Above the waist, you’ll be an 11 out of 10. Below the waist, you’ll be a barely-passing five out of 10, and that’s okay. Just make sure you turn off your video if you need to stand up. Or scoot your butt out of your seat in a way that won’t let anyone know that you’re just wearing running shorts.
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- The All-Out
If dressing in business casual or formal makes you feel more prepared and ready, then
go all out! Except for the shoes. Shoes inside the house are a big no-no. If you’re feeling extra keen, clean your room, or get a green screen and put up a professional Zoom background.
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- The Barely Passing
If whoever you’re speaking to can only see your shoulders and up, truthfully, you can just throw on a nice shirt. For a quick fix, wear a shirt that is plain from the chest area upward, and throw on a blazer. Bonus points if you just wear a black T-shirt with graphics on the front, but backward.
When in doubt, just remember that you’re living through a pandemic. So cut yourself some slack, and take care of yourself.
