I think we can all agree that we’ve found ourselves scrolling through the internet, asking ourselves “why aren’t they paying attention to me?” or “what am I doing wrong in my relationships?”

In today’s digital age, it seems like the internet has become our best friend. Social media apps like TikTok have become our virtual confidants, shaping opinions, influencing behaviours, and even redefining how we approach relationships. As the internet continues to serve as a modern-day relationship guru, blindly following algorithm-driven advice is harming real-life relationships more than helping them.

Buzzwords and TikTok wisdom

Online relationship advice talks a lot about  “never settling for less”, or that “if he wanted to, he would” — which involves constant discourse on ‘red flags’ that cause random strangers on TikTok to question relationships based on these arbitrary, generic guidelines. 

While it might seem that these mantras support and uplift neglected partners, it disregards the complexities of human behaviour, emotions, and context. It is true that people sometimes neglect their partner because they aren’t interested enough. But other times, people may simply lack the emotional capacity, be unaware of their partner’s feelings, or struggle with unresolved internal conflicts. To generalize all behaviour into one basic formula is not only unfair but also ignores how complex and unique human relationships really are. 

A study by the dating app Flirtini found that 46 per cent of participants experienced relationship struggles after following TikTok dating advice, with 23 per cent reporting that such advice directly contributed to a breakup. People prioritize social media validation over genuine communication with their partners, resulting in misunderstandings and unnecessary breakups. We have a tendency to forget how important communication is with our partner and instead create imagined scenarios without seeing their perspective.  

Internet approved behavior undermines authenticity

Real and lasting relationships require a lot of tolerance. Loving involves recognizing that the other person has flaws and moments of doubt just like you — and the only way to solve issues is by communicating it. 

Advice trending online often undermines authenticity in relationships by encouraging individuals to adopt behaviours or personas that don’t align with their true selves. Instead of enhancing our individuality, we replace it with behaviours that fail to reflect our values or needs. I believe this disconnection from ourselves ultimately leads to feelings of emptiness and isolation, despite the temporary sense of control it may give us over our relationships. 

On the other hand, I acknowledge that taking advice from the internet can have a positive impact on us at times. The “Let Them” theory has changed my perspective.

By adopting this theory — suggesting that if someone wants to be with you, they will put the effort in to do so and if they don’t, they wouldn’t — I saved myself from unnecessary disappointments and helped me invest my energy in people who truly value me. Many relationship struggles stem from wondering “Why didn’t they text back?” or “Why are they distant?” It frees you from overanalyzing small things and learning to respect yourself. Instead of clinging to relationships out of fear of being alone, you trust that the right people will stay without being forced. 

Lessons in self-worth

Personally, I have only been in one relationship in my life back in high school. There may have been arguments, but the main issue in our relationship was the constant confusion. I often questioned whether he felt the same way about me as I did about him.  

My feelings for that person were so intense that I lost myself. In the end, I was holding onto a relationship where my feelings were not reciprocated in the same way. I gave many chances, made compromises, begged, and broke down, only to humiliate myself by chasing after a love that wasn’t mutual. Instead of clinging to relationships out of fear of being alone, trust that the right people will stay without being forced. 

Watching online advice videos has helped me understand my worth and how important it is to have boundaries. However, at the same time, I won’t deny that it has also made me lose my sense of identity and authenticity. Many times, I’ve caught myself pretending to be indifferent so I can show that I’m ‘irresistible’ and that I don’t really care if things don’t end up going somewhere because ‘it’s his loss, not mine.’ 

Deep down, I knew that wasn’t truly me. I’m a person with feelings, not a robot, and it’s normal to feel sad and hurt when a relationship fails. How beautiful would it be to simply let ourselves love, hurt, and experience every moment without fear and overthinking, while still remembering our worth? 

In the end, relationships aren’t built on trends or viral advice but on genuine connection, communication, and self-respect. While we can learn a lot of things through social media, we should always stay true to ourselves and embrace relationships authentically, without outside influence causing us to lose who we are.

Evelyn Ritsaki is a fourth-year student at UTSC studying marketing.