Social media has caused a frenzied discourse surrounding whether you should split the bill and go 50-50 on a date. Some people refuse to go on a second date when their date asks to go 50-50. Since men covering the bill is a social construct with hetero-patriarchal roots, how might the dynamics of financial expectations play out in straight and queer relationships?

The Varsity asked three students, offering straight and queer perspectives, whether or not they support going 50-50 on a date.

 

Splitting the bill feels like a scam

When women are already economically disadvantaged, I believe it is simply unfair to expect them to split the bill on a date with a man. According to Ontario’s Pay Equity Office, the gender wage gap persists, with white women earning only 87 per cent of what white men make on average — and the disparity would be even larger with women of colour. The expectation to go 50-50 on dates is emblematic of a society that hasn’t yet fully acknowledged or corrected its systemic gendered economic inequality. If women don’t earn equal pay, why should they be expected to pay equally on a date?

In addition to the unequal financial aspect, there’s the reality of unattainable beauty standards. Women are held to unrealistic ideals of beauty and are expected to spend countless amounts of time and money on makeup, grooming, and attire. Yet, men aren’t faced with this expectation — at least not nearly to the same degree. They don’t have to deal with the pressure of meeting societal beauty standards in the same way women are expected to look ‘effortlessly perfect.’

Moreover, there is the issue of safety. While men worry about how much they’re spending, women on dates have to assess whether the venue is safe if their date is trustworthy, and if they’ll get home safely — especially at night. Asking women to go 50-50 when they’re already carrying this mental load isn’t just financially unfair as it ignores the reality that women’s safety, autonomy, and comfort are compromised in ways men don’t have to consider. 

Expecting women to financially contribute equally without acknowledging these extra responsibilities overlooks the broader inequities they navigate daily. Until we address the deeper and systematic gender imbalances, splitting the check feels like a misguided ‘step toward equality’ that fails to tackle the larger inequities at play.

Kamilla Bekbossynova is a fourth-year UTM student studying English. She was the UTM bureau chief for The Varsity’s Volume CXLIV.

 

I’m there to meet you, not your money

The automatic expectation that your date should pay for everything undermines what I believe is the true purpose of dating: getting to know each other and forming a genuine connection. While many people — including myself — appreciate when a date offers to pay the bill, I think it is ridiculous to expect that they will. 

I believe a healthy relationship is built on mutual respect and communication, not financial obligation. When you approach dates with the mindset that each party is responsible for paying their own costs, you create a more authentic experience that is based on compatibility and human connection instead of rigid financial expectations. 

If your decision to pursue someone after the first date is entirely dependent on whether or not they pick up the bill, I think you should reflect on your reasons for going on a date in the first place. Are you looking to form a genuine connection with someone or are you looking for a surface-level experience and a free meal? 

I’m always prepared to pay for my share of whatever activity a date entails. If I know I can’t afford it, I try to suggest that we do something else when planning the date. It’s okay to enjoy having a partner cover your expenses, as it’s a sweet gesture that demonstrates they appreciate your time and company. However, if upholding this expectation is essential for your partner, I think this should be established later on in a relationship once you’ve gotten to know each other better. 

Going 50-50 should always be the financial norm, especially on the first or second date. It demonstrates respect for the other person’s financial resources and allows for the development of a connection based on who you are as individuals, instead of what you can provide.

Mackenzie Duffy is a first-year student at Woodsworth College studying social science.

 

Consider cost-free options

As a queer person, dating has a layer of complexity that heterosexual dynamics don’t. As someone who is ‘masc-leaning,’ men that I go on dates with typically assume I want to ‘go Dutch,’ while women assume I should pay because it’s expected of ‘men’ to cover the bill. 

To avoid awkward conversations, I prefer dates that are either free or have an element where both parties contribute to the bill. Personally, I love pot-luck picnics for these exact reasons: you can meet in a convenient public space, see how much effort someone puts into what they bring, determine their tastes, and get a good idea of their budget. 

A more winter-friendly option is to have people over for dinner and ask them to bring something to enjoy too. Obviously, they’re the dessert, but for the main meal, it’s nice to share a meal you’ve both contributed to. 

Overall, I think dates should be about connecting and spending quality time with someone you’re interested in, not breaking the bank. Love is free, so why shouldn’t we find dates that are free, too?

I don’t think you should feel forced to pay for someone just because it’s expected of you, no matter if you’re in a queer or straight relationship. If you can’t afford to or simply don’t want to, you shouldn’t feel pressure to pay, especially if you’re not in a relationship with that person. Paying for someone fosters a sense of commitment and dependence, so you don’t have to spend more than just your time on someone you’re unsure about. If you commit, I think it depends on your relationship’s unique dynamic. For example, the bill could be split according to disposable income rather than gender. 

Femininity shouldn’t automatically equal receiving free stuff. Your partners who are men and masc deserve to be spoiled too!

Meagan Mellor is a second-year student at New College studying English.