This week’s anvil gets tossed on the phallus of my flat-mate, and on / in the genitals of every slovenly flat-mate that anyone’s ever had to live with.
There’s only one thing more repulsively unhygienic than stray roommate hairs showing up where they don’t belong: stray roommate pubic hairs showing up-anywhere at all.
To those of you who are forced to share a bathroom with others: have the decency to keep yourself trimmed. Keep your pubes off the toilet seat; use your own bar of soap, and either keep it pube-free, or keep it out of sight.
If you’re prone to pubic shedding, you must develop a strategy of pubic reconnaissance. Seek out your curly rogue penis ties and coarse box whiskers, and destroy any evidence of their existence outside the perimeters of Camp Labia or Fort Scrotum.
The only circumstance under which we should ever dismiss an AWOL pube is when it’s managed to hang onto your chin, sneak between your teeth, or find refuge in your nostrils after oral sex.
Otherwise-keep your pubes in the toilet, and off the Dove.
The ACME Anvil is a weekly rant addressed to those who should be clobbered over the head with an anvil and left to die in the ditch on the side of an abandoned road.
