I don’t know where Maclean’s magazine does have its finger, but it certainly isn’t on the academic pulse of this nation. Another year has passed and once again the University of Toronto finds itself at the top of a lame and utterly meaningless university ranking.

Maclean’s has just released its notorious yearly round-up of post-secondary schools. U of T has placed first in the “Medical Doctorate” category. (Making us the best in our class, according to Maclean’s. Of course, they don’t mention that we are in a class of our own since, based on the criteria, no one else can compete.)

And it is hard to know whether to breath a sigh of relief—wow, a ranking system stacked in my favour tells me that my $19 100 in tuition (based on Maclean’s current estimates) might actually be worth it—or just blush and stammer: uhmm…you know those rankings don’t mean anything anyway.

To begin with, 20 percent of the score is based on the university’s reputation alone. Which means the score is better suited to perpetuating (and confirming) myths about any given university’s standing, rather than finding out how good the school actually is.

Add to this the fact that almost half of those responses come from university officials (who will, of course, have highly critical things to say about their alma mater—and the current source of their livelihood!) and the rating is revealed for what it is: a pathetic joke.

Five fresh-faced and fawn-eyed suckers stare out from the Maclean’s cover. I guess no one mentioned that the joke is on them. Since reputation comes before all else, the actual quality of their education is a matter for theory and conjecture alone.

A point that the inflated importance of the Maclean’s round-up drives home, and hard. What kind of insight could Maclean’s magazine possibly offer? A front-page caption advertises an “Insider’s Guide,” but is it? (Maclean’s columnist Peter C. Newman might have some claim to knowing his way around an academy—on book tours if nothing else.)

Ann Dowsett Johnston admits, in the issue’s lead story, to having an almost-university-aged son—which puts her in exactly the same position as the thousands who look to Maclean’s for guidance. But is she an insider? Well… no. She’s a reporter. Her information is no better than her sources. Sources that seem questionable at best, to judge from what Maclean’s considers “hot” at U of T.

In a section that renders “what’s hot” at the university, the overnight internet radio broadcast 1groove.com receives first place honours. What? The sale of airtime to this broadcaster (from outside the university community) was one of the most unfortunate effects of the business restructuring at CIUT two years ago. That decision wasn’t made in students’ interest, it was made at their expense.

Even a magazine as dense and insular as Maclean’s should realize that corporate voices arrive on a campus at the expense of student voices: numeral two plus numeral two equals numeral four. It doesn’t even take intuition to figure this equation out (it’s simpler than that).

Speaking of intuition, I’m not sure where Maclean’s finger might actually be. But, I do have my theories.