Certain television shows confound even the most brilliant minds, which makes their effect even more unfortunate on normal, decent people. Worse, there has recently been a surfeit of them appearing on networks and cable channels everywhere, culminating in the crime against television that the network execs call Temptation Island.

Only a select few damned individuals in the bowels of hell and L.A. know exactly how and why these shows were spawned, leaving the television viewer to gawk at the resultant wreckage like a rubbernecking motorist who, during the salmon season, slows to 5 km/h along the highway to watch mercury-ravaged fish attempt pathetic three-tailed upstream jumps. What makes courtship, sex and all their attendant bizarre occurrences into popular television is not readily apparent (beyond the purely voyeuristic aspect mentioned above).

Let’s start with the most benign, pre-mutation show. Blind Date has many virtues—primarily that it’s actually funny and entertaining. Skilful casting, deft editing and witty and appropriate graphic aids a la Pop-Up Video make Blind Date a slick, cohesive package which is difficult to resist.

Further, at its most exploitative, it only shows people for what they really are. Who hasn’t been on a date with the psycho, the rude annoying drunk, the spoiled trust-fund kid, the bitchy ice-princess, and so forth? (certainly not anyone who’s gone out with Al Mousseau—ed.)

The train-wreck episodes are entertaining for two reasons: first, you can empathize with the victim (if there is one); and second, you know no one actually got ripped off (the dates are paid for by the show).

And finally, when things do get drunken, nasty, and/or hilarious, feelings of filthiness and guilt are mitigated by the fact that, unlike in some of the shows to be mentioned below, the primary premise of this show is not to get people together so that they get it on.

Then there are the ugly cousins. With names like Change of Heart, Elimadate and Fifth Wheel, all of these shows essentially share the same premise—Blind Date crossed with Survivor. Of course, this list is incomplete without the most hideous relative, the aforementioned Temptation Island. But the omission has a purpose. Just as Al Capone is a lesser evil than Adolph Hitler, so does actual success matter when assessing several evil deeds which share the same intentions.

What is the appeal of these shows? Vicarious licentiousness? Probably. But take heart—these shows have been examined on the slope of reprobation commensurate with the enjoyment appropriate to each. Blind Date is benign and humourous. Go forth and enjoy it, for it is quality television. But for those who allow themselves to bite into the apple of Temptation Island, well, there’s a special slough in TV hell reserved just for you.