Hey SEC,
My straight boyfriend recently confessed to me that he is interested in experimenting with another guy. I’m so confused. Is he gay?
Unsigned
Hello,
It’s great that you and your boyfriend have reached a stage in your relationship that you can openly discuss your desires and fantasies. Communication is very important in establishing a satisfying sex life.
However, it is also understandable that you might very well be confused that your straight boyfriend wants to fool around with another man.
It’s very, very normal for all straight-identified people (including men!) to be interested or engage in sexual activity with members of the same sex. As we have said so many times, sexual activity is not indicative of sexual preference. For many people, sexual activity with people they normally wouldn’t have as partners is just trying a new thing or taking their sex lives to another level. If your boyfriend says that he is straight, he probably is, even if he wants to see another boy’s doodle.
From what I can gather, your boyfriend has not actually engaged in homosexual activity. It may just be a fantasy that he wanted to share with you. There are many ways of incorporating this fantasy into your sexual relationship in a way that is sexy for the both of you, such as role playing, sex toys (e.g. strap-ons), gay porn, and dirty talking.
Communication is key in maintaining a comfort level when acting upon a partner’s fantasy; it should be fun for everyone involved. If he wants to act upon the fantasy with someone other than yourself, it’s important that you discuss it together to determine what is suitable within the boundaries of your relationship.
For some women, homoeroticism is where it’s at. Personally, I eagerly await the day when men start making out in bars so that women will buy them beer.
Dear SEC,
I’m a male in my early 20’s and lately I’ve noticed a problem in the bedroom. For the past few weeks during sex, I’ve been ejaculating very quickly and with little warning. My girlfriend has been patient about everything, but it’s really bothering me. Is there anything I can do?
Prematurely Ejaculating to the Extreme
Dear PETE,
Hold off on the freaking out. Premature Ejaculation (PE) is a fairly common sexual dysfunction in men, affecting about 10 per cent of guys your age. The three most common causes are stress, performance anxiety, and overstimulation. You might thus think that the easiest way to deter PE is to go on vacation and touch your penis less, but there’s a bit more to it than that. A usual cause of PE is the inability of a male to recognize his sexual stimulation. To resolve this, have your partner (male or female, anyone willing to give you a handjob, really) bring you close to orgasm with her hands.
As you near orgasm, tell your partner and have her cease touching you. Wait a minute or so for your orgasmic feeling to subside, then have your partner bring you back to the brink of orgasm, and so forth. Repeat this process for a few times a week, and within 10 or so days you should see some much improved results in recognizing the source of your sexual stimulus.
A physical exercise to help with PE also exists: your kegel, or PC muscle, is the muscle you flex to stop peeing. Kegel exercises consist of flexing it for ten seconds at a time in sets of ten. Do this once a day and within two weeks you should notice much more control in orgasm.
Between this and the stop-and-go method, make sure you talk openly about your problem with your partner. Seriously, communication is the hottest thing ever. We’re talking Rico Suave sexy.
