Those peeping-toms at NASA have discovered a budding relationship between our Milky Way Galaxy and its closest neighbor, the Andromeda Galaxy. While Milky Way’s movement towards Andromeda had been slow for the last millenia, NASA reports that his seductive gravitational pull is having the desired effect.
“Finally, this young, virile heavenly body is making some progress,” said astrophysicist Mark Sullivan of U of T, one of the scientists involved in the project, dubbed Starstruck. “He’s a burgeoning lethario, and why shouldn’t he be, with his complicated spiral patterns and strong, sweeping solar systems.”
“We’ve had our eye on a mutual attraction between the two for a long time, and in the latest Hubble spread, we definitely see the pair ‘interacting,'” he said.
The two galaxies being on such coquettish terms is considered a coup for Milky Way, as Andromeda has twice as many stars as our young Casanova, and was thought to be out of his interstellar league.
“With her ample solar assets, she generates tremendous heat. We were worried he would never make the first move,” Sullivan said. “There have been many unfortunate instances between them that had us worried the two wouldn’t act on their throbbing astronomical desires.”
The relationship hit a low point when Milky Way, suffering from an uncontrollable thermonuclear gas problem, left an unsightly mess of waste elements in plain view of Andromeda.
“Yes, that was a terribly awkward moment for M.W., but he has grown more comfortable with his dark matter,” Sullivan said. “And coupled with the disappearance of his rash of White Dwarfs, he is setting out to make the move on the buxom beauty.”
At the moment, the two are about 2.2 million light years away from merging, but the gap is closing fast. After the Big Bang, the two galaxies paused to find themselves in the rapidly-expanding universe, but now are falling back together. Calculations have put them on a collision course in three billion years.
“If this intergalactic pair consummates their relationship and collides with one another, we can expect some violent convulsions lasting a few hundred million years, until a vigourous starburst flashes out at rates a hundred times greater than normal,” said Sullivan from behind a pair of steamed-up glasses.
“Galaxy interactions are not that common an event right now, especially with the growing distance between like minded star systems. For Milky Way to finally pull it together is a proud moment for the galaxy.”
Despite the outrage expressed by several religious groups on the immoral acts of the lusty stud, Sullivan maintained that Milky Way’s behaviour was completely natural.
“Galaxy merging is fundamental to the health of a universe,” he said. “Denial and repression of these forces will only make things harder later on. It also explains many of the peculiar features-such as black holes where there weren’t black holes before-of this young, sexy galaxy.”
