I’m graduating. In a few short weeks, after my last May exam ever, I’ll finally be done with U of T. In my four years here, I’ve had my fair share of amazing times and memories that will—excuse the cliché—last a lifetime. Of course, I’ve also had to deal with a lot of crap. So here’s the Letterman list:

Robarts

Everyone knows Robarts. Everyone hates Robarts. Everyone has to go into Robarts. I’ll never understand why people study in this horrible hellhole of a book depository. I try to make a run for my books without looking at anyone and get out as fast as possible. It doesn’t just feel soul-crushing in there, it smells soul-crushing in there. It’s baffling that a brutalist library like that even exists, especially when we’ve got some amazing places like the Munk Centre.

That dude outside of Sid Smith that hands out Marxist literature

I wasn’t a Marxist last year. I wasn’t a Marxist in first year. I don’t care what you have to say. And no, that beret and pencil-sharpened goatee doesn’t make you look more intelligent. When you yell at us for being capitalists, you just seem like a selfrighteous douche.

Horrible tenured profs Just because you wrote a decent

book and obtained tenure doesn’t mean that you can teach. I’ve had far too many uninspiring, stuckin- their-ways asshole professors who are supposed to be brilliant. I don’t care if you discovered a fascinating 12th-century manuscript or pioneered a new form of literary theory. If your lecture makes the dazed class sink further and further into their seats to the point of passing out, you shouldn’t be an instructor. It’s an awful pity, since I’ve had more than a fair share of contract-based sessional instructors who taught brilliant courses, enthused even the most apathetic of students, and receive fantastically glowing evaluations. They’re making $25,000 a year without any benefits and these tenured pricks can’t get fired. What’s wrong with this picture?

Commuter Culture

We’re a commuter school. Most students don’t live in the Annex-College student ghetto. A lot of people simply show up for class and head back home, then whine and complain that U of T is a huge, unfeeling mass of unfriendly strangers. But we’ve got the college system, and some great extracurriculars. It takes a bit of effort, but there are multitudes of intimate communities on this campus—you just have to go find them.

Those dudes outside of Sid Smith trying to get you to come to their grind-sex-dance-club party

I don’t care how many “hot pieces of ass” will be there to join genitals with, I’m not going to your poppedcollar meat-fest, no matter what charity you’re using as an excuse to feel good about getting drunk and making bad decisions. So stop asking me.

Late exam schedules

Every single year, undergrads from schools around the country are done with school for the summer before I’ve even started my exams. Not only can they begin their wild and crazy summer adventures early, they also set the schedule that summer employers follow: all the good jobs start on May 1st. That leaves us struggling to find full time work, since we’re everyone’s second choice. Why hire a U of T student who can’t start working until two weeks after a Western student? U of T has tons of students to funnel through the examination process, but we also have a lot of buildings. Surely our administration could create an example schedule that lets us off before the end of April.