Sarah Palin is sexy. With her fit figure, perfect skin, and adorable facial expressions, many describe her as the first potential VPILF (see American Pie). Hustler’s upcoming pornographic film, Who’s Nailin’ Paylin? Adventures of a Hockey MILF is sure to fly off shelves at a sleazy video store near you. I wish I were making this up. It’s clear that sexually charged politics will only prevent women from voting for Palin.
Palin’s nomination was an obvious tactic to grab Hillary Clinton supporters who weren’t warming up to Barack Obama. But Clinton supporters will not vote for Palin. Apart from her lack of experience and questionable intellectual capacity, one thing annoys us more than anything else: she’s too attractive.
Presumably, one cannot blame Sarah Palin for being beautiful. But as all women know, nice clothes, expensive makeup, and salon hairstyles can mean the difference between a drunken mug shot and the cover of Vogue. The fact that the Republican National Committee spent a jaw-dropping $150,000 to clothe and accessorize the Palin family since late August (while the economy was nose-diving faster than the enthusiasm of an audience during a Joe Biden rant) shows that we can blame her.
Palin is famous for criticizing the unnecessary expenses that come with office, as shown by the story that she sold a private jet on eBay to save Alaskan tax payers “a whole bunch of money.” Both Palin and McCain love to repeat this anecdote to appeal to the three most important American voter types: Joe Sixpack, Joe Plumber, and Average Joe. In reality, the plane did not sell on eBay; an Alaskan businessman bought it privately for $2.1 million, $600,000 less than the asking price.
So she refuses the private jet but spends $75,062.63 at Neiman Marcus? Just your typical hockey mom. While journalists (and Democrats) everywhere delight in this double standard, female voters are making a subconscious connection between Palin’s beauty and her wasteful spending. How much will four years worth of clothing cost? America would forgive her for being “financially careless,” a rehab-hopping addict, even a public restroom fornicator—but not a hypocrite!
Imagine if John McCain had picked Canada’s Green Party leader Elizabeth May as his running mate. This hard-working woman would have little interest in Saks Fifth Avenue. May’s toned-down makeup, casual dress, and loose wavy hair are in stark contrast to the business suit and prom updo usually sported by the stylish Palin. May would be out there getting things done, not sitting in a salon chair for two hours.
Let’s face it: Sarah Palin reminds us of the popular girl in junior high who developed early and ran for student body president, promising pop machines in the cafeteria and revving up the boys by batting her eye lashes and showing too much leg. In the race for the White House, Palin’s sex appeal carries negative connotations that will keep female voters from supporting her.
