Naked Grape Pinot Grigio

$9.95 at the Wine Rack

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Just when you thought summer couldn’t get any better, a London (England) ice cream parlour has announced that they are launching a breast milk ice cream. Called the “Baby Gaga,” the desert mixes Madagascan vanilla pods and lemon zest with the breast milk of 15 women who replied to an advert. I wouldn’t normally recommend pairing wine with ice cream, but if you’re willing to drink ice cream from a human breast, you may as well wash it down with Naked Grape Pinot Grigio.

Pinot Gris is a truly fascinating grape because of the different flavours it can develop depending on the region and wine-making style of the winery. For example, while in Alsace the grape normally produces a full bodied floral nose with a lingering spice, a California variety is significantly lighter and more crisp. Alas, considering this grape’s potential, the wine in question is a bitter disappointment. The description on the bottle suggests that the wine is “fruit driven wine with tropical fruit and citrus flavours.” If these flavours are in the wine, I certainly cannot taste them. The bouquet is muddled and uninteresting, resembling the wine you’re poured in a student dive along College Street.

Now don’t get me wrong: I’ve consumed many a bottle of Naked Grape largely due to the Wine Rack’s later opening hours. But in general, try to avoid the large brand wines in favour of something less well-known. A bottle of wine should be a treasured adventure where you experience the wine, like finding a new restaurant in Little Italy. Buying this wine is similar to taking your partner to Swiss Chalet for the Festive Special on your anniversary. Honestly, drinking this stuff makes Eliza Doolittle look sophisticated.