Halloween: a survival guide

Vampire

A highly capable evil being who is fast, strong, motivated, and able to regenerate. Its proliferation in pop culture has led people to doubt its existence in non-fiction.

Risks:
High. Death, conversion, falling in love.

Recognition:
Fangs, nocturnal behavior, sexy eyes.

How to destroy:
A stake to the heart, sunlight (despite recent fictional adaptations, vampires don’t sparkle), and silver (won’t usually kill but will slow down its regenerative properties).

Ghost

The spirit of a being who was once alive on Earth. Its exact nature depends largely on the personality of the deceased. Ranges from useful companion to deadly adversary.

Risks:
Variable.

Recognition:
Transparency, violation of physical barriers.

How to destroy:
Call (212) 555-2368. If you have your own ghost-fighting equipment, don’t cross streams. Help it solve its problem. We haven’t tested this one, but many documentaries claim it works.

Zombie

An animated corpse brought back to life. This can be achieved in many ways: sorcery, science, or more popularly, a virus that kills the organic life processes but allows the body to remain animated.

Risks:
Medium. Main risk is its persistence. Incapable of reasoning and driven by its need to feed… on you.

Recognition:
Necrosis, disregard of external threats to its physical self.

How to destroy:
Decapitation, destruction of the brain stem, and burning.

Inventor

A human associated with evil beings. Some forms of evil have human creators, conjurers, or friends. In these cases, the inventor can be highly dangerous if his or her evil being is threatened.

Risks:
High, if you impede the evil beings.

Recognition:
Very difficult to recognize until attacked. Constant vigilance is needed after encountering an evil being.

How to destroy:
If possible, arrest is preferable. If not, they are mortal humans just like you. Act accordingly.

Mutant

Technically refers to any genetic mutation, but we are only referring to the extremely dangerous varieties. The greatest risk comes from natural mutation of monsters and scientific mistakes.

Risks:
The greater the mutation, the greater the risk. A human with extra fingers is only threatening in a guitar competition. A German shepherd-sized brown recluse spider with hawk’s wings and talons is slightly less manageable.

Recognition:
Variable. Look for parts that don’t match.

How to destroy:
These are organic, living creatures and can be destroyed in many ways. See general destruction guide.

Demon

The most dangerous entity on our list. Extremely clever, strong, and motivated. A demon has the ability to shape-shift and can operate without alerting the rest of the population, giving it freedom of movement.

Risks:
Extreme. Physical and spiritual destruction.

Recognition:
In human form, super-human strength or knowledge with extreme evil intent. In original form, you’ll know.

How to destroy:
Unknown. Try any and all of the methods for other evils and more.

Witch/Warlock

A human with the ability to tap into supernatural or spiritual powers. These powers can be used for good or evil, so it is important to identify which type you are dealing with. This title does not refer to practitioners of Wicca or Paganism.

Risks:
Medium. Bad luck, pain, transfiguration, or death.

Recognition:
Warts, a flying broom, a pointy hat, and a cat familiar.

How to destroy:
Water, burning, or decapitation.

Trickster

A self-serving, non-evil, or good entity who is not typically dangerous. Its primary goal is to violate rules and conventional behaviour for the sake of entertainment. Forewarned is forearmed.

Risks:
Low. Embarrassment, losing money, or minor injury.

Recognition:
Being presented with can’t-lose scenarios (genie) or encouraged to perform tricks with huge consequences in good fun.

How to destroy:
As it is not a typically harmful creature and in many cases can be a god or deity, attempts at destruction are futile.

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