Breakups fucking suck. So it’s no wonder that many of us try to avoid dealing with the emotional aftermath at all costs, something that romantic comedies (rom coms) do quite well. 

A staple of rom coms is their climactic break up, after the couple has already developed feelings or gotten together. Except, even though this climactic breakup is a pivotal plot point within the story, it’s almost never permanent, absolving the protagonist from having to do any real emotional healing. While this makes rom coms fun, feel-good movies that a lot of us enjoy, we don’t tend to separate fact from fiction as much as we should. 

In my experience, rom coms are typically structured into four acts orchestrated by the state of the protagonists’ relationship: ‘pre-relationship,’ ‘the relationship,’ ‘the third act breakup,’ and finally, ‘the happy ending.’ 

In the third act breakup, some truth comes to light, such as a lie or a cheating scandal, and some insurmountable issue boils over. The relationship cannot recover, and the climactic breakup of the couple occurs. However, by the end, in the happy ending, the pair return to each other with some grand gesture, realizing they truly love each other and want to be together. 

In real life, the fourth act is a fallacy. The idea of a perpetual happy ending existing with any one person creates the false expectation that if you just hang on long enough, or want it badly enough, any problem will resolve itself and you will have that happy ending. So, although watching rom com movies can feel good, these false expectations can have harmful consequences for real-life relationships.

A 2024 study at the University of Mississippi found that frequent watchers of Hallmark romance films are more likely to believe in romantic concepts such as soulmates or love at first sight. I find that both of these are blinding notions that can result in major relationship problems. These issues can include unrealistic expectations from partners, and negatively altering your behaviour during a relationship or breakup. 

It’s hard to see the most unlikely happy endings on screen and not hope for one such finale for yourself. But, being aware of the realities of real-life relationships doesn’t mean you’ve stopped holding out hope. 

The 2024 study also found that individuals who watched more television in general had an increased likelihood of believing in the idea of love conquering all obstacles. Such obstacles include coming back from something as major as a breakup, enforcing the idea that a relationship always has a happy ending.

Despite their harm, I am still an avid fan of rom coms. I’m not going to stop watching them any time soon, and I am not arguing for you to stop watching either. 

Sometimes it’s nice to have an escape from the harsh realities of life. However, the distance we put between our understanding of real romantic relationships and the relationships we see on screen needs to widen. 

Each time we fall for the false ideals of rom coms, our breakups end up getting worse, and we only end up more hurt. I know that’s easier said than done, but remember that after the rom com comes to an end, your own love life goes on.  

Emily Rosevear is a third-year undergraduate student studying English and creative writing at the University of Toronto.