Love, Lust & Lies

I dumped my boyfriend because he flirted with girls. He is a great guy otherwise. I talked to the girls, and they denied it. They just said he is “friendly.” He and I no longer speak, but he still flirts with girls as if he is insinuating that I should accept this. Are my actions correct?

Dear Confused,

Wowie zowie. It sounds like the arrows of jealousy have struck you. Don’t worry, you’re not the only one. You may recall Shakespeare’s tormented Othello “dotes, yet doubts, suspects, yet strongly loves.” Throughout history, jealousy and love have had a unique duel. Sweet sugar and bitter salt have always threatened to overtake the zest for one another in relationships, so, how do you successfully defend your love? The good news: it all depends on what flavour you decide to savour the most. The bad news: bitter salt has ruined your relationship.
In her book The Complete Idiot’s Guide to a Healthy Relationship, Dr. Judy Kuriansky says every partner’s motive for flirting stems from a different desire. She explains, “Some partners flirt to boost their egos, enjoy their attractiveness, learn about other people, or just to have a little fun. Other times, of course, flirting can be dangerous.” Open dialogue is the only way to combat the problem.
You lost the battle because jealousy dictated your actions, not rationality. You disregarded the testimonies of your ex-boyfriend’s supposed objects of flirtation. Although those girls said he “was just being friendly,” you mapped out your own conclusions, convicted him and fled the scene. You did not fight your duel “eye to eye.” You left bitter. You left him bitter.
Overall, you need to turn it down a notch. You have no right to question how he conducts his life now, since you’re not an item anymore. No more dictating. I can’t help but wonder if you ignored this “friendly” behaviour during your travels on the Path of Courtship. It’s conceivable that your feelings for him were not strong in the early stages of your relationship, so his “friendliness” was not objectionable in your eyes. In the future, look at the telltale signs of your knight in shining armour. After all, defeat is hard to swallow.

Share on facebook
Share on google
Share on twitter