The recent attack on the Pope during Christmas Eve Mass made me think about the relation we Catholics have with him. It’s extremely confusing to outsiders and, at times, it would be correct to say some people idolize him. To us, he is another father, one that we don’t always agree with but we trust to lead us through times good and bad.

One of the most memorable events of my family’s Christmas vacation will be standing in horror 20 feet away from where the attack happened.

After four hours of lines, security checks, and rain, we made it into the standing section as the doors were closing. As the curtain at the back of the church opened, a parade of cardinals, bishops, priests and other clergy marched out before Benedict XVI made his grand entrance.

The crowd erupted. As whenever the Pope appears in public, a mass of outstretched arms holding cameras followed him. Every Catholic, no matter how lapsed, was filled with both a spirit of awe and a savage instinct to push everyone, young and old, out of the way.

I caught a glimpse of the Pope seconds before he turned the corner and was attacked. We could only see the camera mob, but knew something had gone wrong when a terrifying collective scream rose and echoed through the ancient walls of St. Peter’s Basilica.

For about 10 seconds everyone remained silent, glancing at each other, telepathically exchanging the same concern for our Holy Father’s old age. As the Pope got back on his feet, a man cried “Viva il Papa!” (“Long live the Pope!”). The church erupted in applause and cheering as the 81-year-old man made his stride up to the altar.

Quite often I find myself at odds with the Vatican. There are aspects of Church dogma that I either disagree with or am baffled by. The Church has a history of abominably oppressive actions that are hard to swallow, though moves are being taken to heal and reconcile them. I also get upset with public relation nightmares, like when Benedict XVI spoke out against condoms on his flight to Africa last March with wording that practically asked the media to misquote him.

And yet, I respect the Pope and his office. He keeps the billions of Catholics throughout the world united in a way that no other group is, especially in a world that increasingly oversimplifies religious thought and treats it with hostility. Catholics trust him to lead a tradition that has gone through trouble and change.

At the end of the Mass, the Pope blessed a traditional creche (nativity display) then walked through the back curtain behind Swiss guards and men in suits. En route he decided, seemingly on a whim, to bless the foreheads of three small children in the crowd. For me, the gesture symbolized both the resonance of real face-to-face encounters as well as the Pope’ role as a father figure to billions.