MIA CARNEVALE/THE VARSITY

Everyone’s favourite crime-solving, gang-busting, shower-sex-having teens returned to television on October 11. That’s right, Riverdale is back. We just can’t decide if this show is the best or the worst thing ever. We asked our contributors for their opinions on who the most ‘extra’ character on Riverdale is — a difficult task when many of them routinely accuse their parents of attempted murder.

Dr. Masters

Less than two minutes into the second season premiere and Riverdale is already up to its old tricks. As Archie rushes his dad to the hospital, the audience comes face to face with the most absurd looking doctor ever shown on screen. His name is Dr. Masters, and he looks like a Tic Tac. He looks like the kind of doctor that would tell Archie it’s okay to shower with a cast on. He looks like he primarily operates on teddy bears, and like he was genuinely excited when Crocs were invented. His look is extra AF, and I hope I never see him again.

— Elspeth Arbow

Veronica Lodge

“Daddy?!” This moniker is, impressively, made even more ridiculous than usual in Riverdale — thanks to none other than Miss Veronica ‘my parents may be attempted murderers’ Lodge. That alone should be enough to win the richer half of B&V the title of ‘most extra.’ Between using childish terms of endearment at her age and throwing wild accusations left and right, Veronica truly goes above and beyond to say absolutely nothing of value. Speaking of value, her steamy idea of comforting Archie as his dad lay comatose? Maybe not the most tactful. If hyperbole personified wore preppy skirts, it would almost be at Veronica Lodge’s level.

— Sarim Irfan

Vegas

For all the talk about dogs being selfless creatures, Vegas seems to have Archie on a tight leash. Fred Andrews is literally comatose in the hospital after a shooting, and the dog needs a walk? Considering the amount of emotional labour that apparently goes into caring for Vegas in the Andrews household, you’d think Vegas might have been a bit more concerned that one of his owners came home covered in his other owner’s blood.

— Teodora Pasca

Archie Andrews

Archie is definitely the most extra. I mean, come on, an emotionally sensitive football quarterback? Please, Archie, you banged your music teacher and wanted to show your ‘undying’ love for her by playing crappy poems and guitar. How many love interests has Archie had again? And he won’t even give Betty, the sweetest character of all time, a chance. Has everyone forgotten that he’s only 16 and yet he’s out here trying to find a gun to somehow save his dad? Stay in your lane and stick to the football field, Archie.

—Yasaman Mohaddes

Betty Cooper

Some may argue that Betty Cooper is one of the only remotely sane characters in Riverdale, but the fact of the matter is that Betty is just as extra if not more extra than Veronica, Cheryl, and the others. At least they can remember their crazy antics. Since she seems so kind and innocent, Betty can get away with throwing on a black wig and almost boiling Chuck Clayton to death in a hot tub. Obviously, it’s Riverdale, so almost killing Chuck is hardly considered an extreme act, but it’s the fact that Betty usually pretends that she wants to drink milkshakes all day at Pop’s and have everyone get along that concerns me. Who knows what she’s truly capable of?

— Lauren Dubay

Jughead Jones

I think Jughead is the purest cinnamon roll and I love him dearly. Let’s face it though, he’s the show’s oddball. And he’s totally okay with that. I think I’d even go far enough to say that he perceives himself to be edgier — and weirder — than he actually is. Everything that comes out of his mouth is so, so extra. By now, we’ve gotten so used to it that if Jughead said something remotely normal, we wouldn’t be able to handle it.

— Rue Guha

Cheryl Blossom

Cheryl Blossom is undoubtedly the ruling queen of extra. One half of a set of creepy redheaded twins, her obsession with her brother Jason and her propensity for sleepwalking the halls of her ancestral mansion, bedecked in a floor-length gown make for delightfully hammy gothic vibes. Cheryl takes her complex even further when she arranges for the song that her parents listened to during her and “Jay-Jay’s” conception to play at semi-formal. The cherry topping this sundae of crazy is when she burns down the Blossom McMansion with a freaking candelabrum. Cheryl Blossom: To know her is to be extremely, involuntarily, horrifically, entertained.

— Alice (KX) Zhang

Penelope Blossom

While many of Penelope Blossom’s actions can be understood as being affected by the loss of her son Jason, her obsession with the Blossom name reaches a whole new level. The idea of having “purely Blossom” twins thrills her so much that she even accepts her son’s unintentionally incestuous actions. Her desire for a picture perfect family leads her to enter a burning building to save a portrait. Was that worth suffering from third degree burns, Penelope? Also, she slapped Alice Cooper. There are much less dramatic, and more mature, ways to deal with someone you dislike. What kind of example is she setting for Cheryl?

—Alexa Ballis

Ms. Grundy

Ms. Grundy is definitely the most extra person in the most extra show. The way she stares at Archie in the crowd, thinking of their steamy summer. Isn’t it amazing how Grundy managed to run into Archie in a purple Volkswagen bug, with red heart-shaped sunglasses on, while sipping a slushie? In the end, poor Grundy did leave Riverdale, but just when you thought she would never be back, we see her in Greendale, teaching piano again. Guess what? She’s in the middle of seducing another young student, and gets killed just after being kissed. Isn’t that ironic?

— Sammi Chan

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