According to recent rulings from the court of public opinion, or at least what I’ve heard from friends and seen online, Gen Z has ruined romance. Between the rise of ‘situationships,’ ick-lists, and Instagram slop relationship content instructing you not to settle for anything less than a 6’5 tall provider who works in finance, how is a young adult supposed to find their life partner?

I mean, isn’t the entire point of dating in college to carefully vet potential romantic candidates based on appearance, height, personality, and major, so we can determine their suitability for marriage?

This understandable but misguided sentiment is common among university students. Lax social norms working in tandem with dating apps and social media have created a freer, yet far more ambiguous dating landscape for Gen Z. Our nascent romantic and sexual awarenesses certainly aren’t eased by the prospects of ghosting, blocking, and curtly-named ‘IDGAF wars.’ When love is more intimidating than ever, why risk heartbreak when you can skip ahead to finding ‘the one’?

I understand this impulse, I really do. Yet, in an era where young people today, unlike previous generations, have the freedom to enter relationships not out of social obligation, but just for fun, I also question Gen Z’s urgent pursuit for a lifelong partner in university. I believe that the response to this cultural moment should be to date ‘for the plot’ as much as possible. 

‘For the plot’ dating — as opposed to the aforementioned ‘dating for marriage’ — can be characterized as dating purely out of curiosity. Examples include going on peculiar Hinge dates, getting coffee with your eye-contact-ship from your tutorial, or walking home with an acquaintance you met at a party. 

Naturally, you should always enforce boundaries, maintain respect, and stay out of dangerous situations. But once safety is established, I think that having exciting, humorous, and sometimes disappointing romantic escapades is paramount in a culture that encourages disposability and transactionality. Yes, this means going on bad dates, enduring a meal with someone who won’t stop talking, and being annoyed that your date didn’t pay for your Uber after picking a distant restaurant.

At the risk of sounding like an Op-Ed columnist lamenting the risk-aversion and sexlessness of Gen Z, I acknowledge that dating is difficult, especially when coming of age in uncertain times. But to be clear, the fickleness of dating is not specific to today. To suggest otherwise is patently absurd. My third rewatch of Sex and the City made this very clear to me in light of my own heartbreak this past semester. The core four had to go on literally hundreds of bad dates until they each found ‘the one.’ 

I can already hear the incessant refrain from the ‘date to marry’ crowd: “But why would you go on a date with someone you aren’t quite sure of? Isn’t that a waste of time?” 

I am not advocating for you to go on dates with people you don’t want to. I am also not suggesting that you place a mental expiration date on your relationships with people. I am simply suggesting that rather than requiring all potential romantic partners to fulfill the criteria for a long-term relationship, go out with people because you’re interested in them, and see where it goes. 

This chapter of your life is about learning. This includes meeting and dating people whose experiences, backgrounds, and personalities are new to you. In university, when you are exploring yourself and the world around you, dating can be a springboard for self-discovery and learning. As dating is fundamentally about experiencing life with other people; rejection, embarrassment, and heartbreak are inevitabilities. Before you can know what you want in your life-partner, you have to figure out what you don’t want first.

Maya Belle is a first-year student at University College planning to study political science and environmental science.